Page 33 of That One Moment

Caiden curses as he fumbles to get to me up front. But the car's too small and the front is badly damaged, so he leans down with half his body over the mangled console.

Despite the fear, and the soul crushing knowledge that I am not walking away from this, I smile. Because Caiden’s here with me. How poetic, how tragic, how devastatingly beautiful that we entered this world together and now I’ll leave it with him by my side too.

“Cooper, hold on okay? Help’s coming.” He tries to push at the steering wheel that’s crushing me, cutting his arms on shards of glass scattered around us. It’s a futile attempt. He’s bleeding from his head and his eyes are blinking rapidly, but he doesn’t stop touching me, tugging at my seatbelt, feeling my pulse, rubbing the hair from my eyes.

He’s trying to save me.

My head is a dead weight on my shoulders and my vision goes dark before he comes back into focus, but it wavers again, floating in and out. My body doesn’t hurt anymore. It feels coldbut also numb, like I’ve been soaking in an ice bucket. Or one of those cold dipping pools. I always wanted to try one of those. My eyes sink shut and I picture the snow, and I see Caiden and I as little kids on a sled. Then we’re older and we’re riding our bikes. Beautiful, red and gold leaves whip up around us as we shout for each other to go faster, and then we are twenty and we’re lying in the garden watching the stars as the cold seeps through our clothing.

I want to tell someone - anyone, that it’s both memories of your past and your future you see. Do people already know that?

My eyes open briefly and I gaze into the matching blue eyes of my twin. There are a thousand things I want to say to him. A thousand promises and wishes and dreams I want him to know but my tongue is heavy and my words are dwindling to a few. It’s like I held a million words inside and now, as everything in me starts to settle and this calmness blankets me, there’s only a few left.

I need to make them meaningful.

“Caiden,” his name on my lips is a plea. The words delivered on a rasp that hurts my heart more than it does anywhere else.

“Look for me in the stars.” His face crumples, devastation written in every line and dip and he cries, his sorrow reaching high into the night sky.

“No, no, you’re okay.” He cries harder and even now, all I want to do is hold him and tell him it'll be okay. “Help is coming, just hold on a little longer for me. Please.”

In my mind I shake my head, but in reality, I don’t think I move at all.

“Tell Jamie…tell Jamie,always.”

My sweet boyfriend. He spun my universe, sprinkled it with stars and lit a flame inside me the day he came into my life. No one ever told me love could feel so wonderful, so life changing, so all consuming. No one told me, but Jamie showed me. Heshowed me every day, in every kiss, every touch and every gentle word. His love is pure, passionate and for the past year it was all mine. I hope he can forgive me for leaving him. I’d have stayed by his side and grown old with him if that had been in the cards for us.

Caiden’s warm hand brushes at the tears falling down my cheeks. “You tell him yourself, you tell him when we get out of here.”

My eyelids are too heavy to lift now and my lungs scream for air but I can’t grasp onto it, not in the way I need. I don’t feel panicked though. All I feel is incredibly sad, but also light like maybe I’m floating away.

Caiden places a hand on my cheek and rests his forehead to mine then presses a soft kiss to my skin. “I love you,” I say in the tiniest whisper.

“Cooper!” he yells. “Open your eyes Coop, please, please open them. Don’t leave me. I can’t do this without you. Please. I love you. I need you.”

He sucks in a breath and I want to tell him he’s going to survive this, but my words are done. There are no more left.

I think I’m smiling.

I think I’m smiling and I’m okay, because even though it’s dark and I never got to do all the things I wanted to, I can see Cooper and Jamie in a sea of light and they’re all I ever needed.

And I’ll find them in the stars one day.

Chapter Sixteen

Jamie

“You got lucky.”The nurse's words replay in my mind, over and over again. Stuck on repeat. A continuous knife that drives into my heart, only to pull back out and plunge right back in.

There is nothing lucky about any of this. It’s all so fuckingunlucky. I got thrown out of the car and I survived. I walked away with skin lacerations, a broken arm, fractured ribs and a concussion. I lived. But Cooper….Cooper didn’t. He was stolen from me and there is nothing lucky about that. I should have died instead of him.

The organ starts playing and I stand, my legs shaking enough to make me stumble, but I catch myself on the pew in front of me. I can’t turn around, I can’t watch the pallbearers carry him down the aisle. Even if my arm wasn’t broken, I wouldn’t have been strong enough to carry his coffin. Not when everything inside of me is broken. I lived, but he took me with him and allthat’s left is this empty shell and a heart that shattered into a million pieces.

Choking on a sob, I stare straight ahead at the forget-me-nots and white roses that surround the platform that will shortly hold his casket. My eyes blur and I swipe at the tears angrily. I’m so tired of crying. I’m so tired of existing in a space devoid of the love of my life. My chest aches and I despise the beat of my heart that reminds me that I’m here.

I woke up in a hospital bed, my body grazed and my mind fuzzy. One look at my mother had told me everything I needed to know. Her words to confirm my biggest fear sent me spiraling until the nurse gave me something to calm me down and I’ve barely spoken a word since. I have nothing to say. No words, no begging, no fucking tears will bring him back.

A week ago my world stopped turning.

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