Page 32 of That One Moment

“Thank you, for…” my lip quivers and I take a deep breath before I try again. “Thank you both for what you did back there. I’m sorry I ruined your night, again.” The sad thing is, neither of them wanted to be there in the first place but they’d both been enjoying themselves anyway. Then I’d fucked it up. Again.

“I’ll be your lifejacket.”That’s what he’d said. I don’t think he knows how often he’s been carrying me to shore lately.

“Pshh, you didn’t ruin our night,” Cooper says, his voice light despite the events of the evening. “Did you see my man? He waslike a fucking lion, all growly and shit. No! Like a dragon slayer, a knight in shining armor.” Jamie chuckles and I shake my head. Trust Cooper to find the positive in this shitshow.

The question is rhetorical though, so I don’t outwardly reply. But yes, I saw him. I saw the way his muscles bunched under his tight black shirt when he threw that punch. I saw the flash of anger in his eyes when Kyle touched the man he loves. I saw how he’d burn down the world to protect my twin. The sad, lonely, little boy in me clung to the fact that in a roundabout way Jamie was protecting me too.

“Fuck, that was hot,” Cooper continues. “You were really hot. Cover your ears, Caiden, I want to say something really filthy to Jamie, which you do not want to hear.”

Jamie laughs louder, his head turned to face Cooper, and Cooper briefly takes his eyes off the road to smile at Jamie.

And that’s all it takes.

That one moment.

PART TWO

Song Suggestion:

Dancing in the Sky by Liv Harland

Chapter Fifteen

Cooper

His smile. That’s all I see when I close my eyes. Green eyes twinkling, rosy cheeks I love to kiss, pretty lips set in a boyish grin. A tear drips down my cheek, and I picture the drop on its journey down my cheek. One little tear filled with every bit of me - my hopes, my dreams, my regrets, my love.

There’s this belief that just before you die, your life flashes before your eyes. Perhaps that’s true, but as I sit here, my body quaking with shivers, my breath cracking on each inhale, I’m not sure if people mean the life you had or the life you dreamed you’d have.

Behind my closed lids, I see the flash, the lights of the truck, I hear the horn, I feel my arms tense as I twist the wheel to dodge the hit and then I see him. Jamie. Us. Ten years from now, standing hand in hand, wedding bands on our fingers as we smile down at a child that looks remarkably like him. Green eyes like emeralds, a smile that could change the world. I see a big house with a beautiful garden that Caiden built just for us- with a slide and swingset. I see two dogs, their tails wagging as they bound joyfully around the garden. And we’re all smiling, even my twin. A song plays in the distance, it’s one of Jamie’s favourites. It’s the one from the movie we were meant to watch before we decided to go to the party. He hums it against my ear as we watch the child, our child, run off with the dogs.

It’s nice.

It’s idyllic.

It’s comforting.

It’s everything I ever wanted.

But as energy leaves my body, as more tears drip down my cheeks, I’m aware that it’s everything I’ll never have.

I’m so tired.

My eyes open and the perfect picture in my mind drifts away like fog clearing over the ocean and I’m smack bang in the middle of a reality that fills me with dread.

My legs won’t move, I can’t even feel them. The steering wheel pressing into my abdomen is crushing me into my seat. There’s so much pain, an ache from somewhere I can’t pinpoint and a strange pinching in my heart. I can breathe, so there is a little silver lining. I always look for the good, even if right now it seems a ridiculous thing to do. I notice for the first time that I'm lying on my side.The windshield is gone and so is Jamie. Panic rises in my chest when I picture him climbing into the car earlier this evening, clutching his swollen hand.

He wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.

Oh God.

I’ve never prayed before but I find myself now, begging whatever entity decides our fates to save Jamie.

“Coop,” a raspy voice from behind me has my eyes darting around. The review mirror is twisted and my neck hurts too much to move but I can feel who it is without needing to see him. “Coop, hold on, I’m coming.” My seat is jostled as Caiden movesand I grit my teeth, listening as he curses, banging his hand against the metal of the car. “I can't climb out, so I'm going to try to crawl into the front with you. Can you move?”

I answer him or at least I think I do but then he’s yelling my name louder so maybe I didn’t. Reality and dreams are melting into one and I’m scrambling to hold on to what is real, trying my hardest to stay here, in this moment, with my twin.

“Can’t move. Jamie, where’s Jamie?” The panic is eating me up inside, or maybe that’s my body's reaction to this mess we’re in. I don’t know because I can’t focus. Black clouds dance around my vision, like smoke clawing at the walls of a burning house. Dark and potent and inescapable. Caiden’s voice forces me to open my eyes. When did they close again? My head hurts so badly but I turn to face the middle of the car, then lean it back against the side of the door.

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