Page 24 of That One Moment

“Your brother is looking for you,” I say, my voice trembling under the guilt of the stolen moment.

Caiden watches me take a few steps back. “Okay,” he says as he stands. He smirks and I briefly wonder if this was his way of getting between me and Cooper.

We walk back inside and immediately, Cooper is next to us, hugging his brother tightly. “Where’d you go? I got worried for a minute.”

Caiden wraps his arms around Cooper's neck and I watch the two of them, foreheads pressed together, as they speak softlyto each other. I know Cooper worries, he can’t help it, not after what happened to Caiden, and I don’t blame him. There’s something inside of me that wants to find the fucker and break his nose.

Sage joins us and despite his protests, Caiden agrees to dance with her. I can see he’s trying to be happy - if only for his brother - but that sadness is still there and a few times, I catch his eyes lingering on me and his twin.

Wrapping Cooper into a hug, I sway him around on the dance floor. He chuckles at my uncoordinated moves. I press my nose to his temple and breathe in his vanilla scent, slightly sweaty now from a night spent dancing, but no less intoxicating.

“Do you want to go home?” Cooper asks, grinning at me with white teeth and pink cheeks. “We could go welcome in this new year…” he looks around then leans in and bites my ear. “....in other ways.”

A low growl emanates from somewhere deep inside me and I squeeze him tighter and kiss him deeply. “I love you, baby, so damn much.”

“Always and forever?” he asks.

“Always and forever,” I reply. Because yes, this man is my forever.

Chapter Eleven

Caiden

Cooper watches me like a hawk and it makes my skin crawl. It should feel good, this new level of concern my brother has for me. But it doesn't. It feels too much like pity and like I can't take care of myself.

You really can't though. If you could, Cooper wouldn't be looking at you like an injured baby bird.

Jamie looks at me in a way I can’t decipher. Mostly, I think it's concern, but there’s something else there too. I shouldn’t have done what I did on New Year’s. That wasn’t fair. Not to him, not to Cooper and not to me. Jamie is Cooper’s and that’s not changing - and despite how awful people may think I am, I would never try to come between them.

The truth is, in that moment, everything seemed bleak and there he was. His green eyes burning into me, his smile small on his pretty lips and his voice warm and genuine. And I wanted whatever it is he gives my twin. For one selfish minute, I wantedit for myself. I'm scared of the way Jamie makes me feel. Maybe it's safer if I go back to hating him.

Three months into this year and things haven't been great. Most mornings, I wake up feeling that pressure on my chest. I try to get back to the way things were, try to party like I used to - craving that release in drink and sex but, I'm so afraid of being alone with guys, that I haven't been with anyone since.

Sometimes I'm really afraid I'll run intohimagain. Cooper begged me to report the incident, but I didn’t want to relive it again, and besides, I have no idea who he is, or even if Kyle is his real name. It’s an excuse, I know, but it’s my choice.

I’m okay. I’m in control.

The cuts on my thighs sting as I climb into Jamie’s old beat up Toyota - a sign of how badly I’ve been struggling lately. I breathe through the burn as I get seated, blinking away the guilt when Cooper looks at me and smiles. He thinks everything is okay since that night. Since he said I could lean on him, and truth be told, things are better but I still wake up most days with this pressure on my chest. He asked me again to see a doctor, and told me it wasn’t weak to ask for help. And maybe I will. Maybe.

I twist the bracelet Jamie gave me around my wrist, turning and turning, watching as the clasps move in a wave-like motion. I don’t ever take it off because even though I mostly wish he wasn’t around, I’ve also never had someone care enough to pick something like this for me. And he did pick it for me. It wasn’t like so many birthdays before where Cooper and I have been given identical things simply because we’re twins. Why wouldn’t we want matching shirts/cufflinks/scarves? No, Jamie thought aboutmeand he picked it forme. That knowledge does something to my heart that I refuse to dwell on.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Jamie asks my twin as he starts the car.

“Not at all, in fact, I am sure this is a reallybadidea. I haven’t seen my mother in two years, but…” Cooper’s words drift off as he catches my eyes in the rearview mirror.But I need to go so I can take care of Caiden if she doesn’t show.Those are the words he’s not saying and guilt weighs heavily on my heart knowing that he’s given up his day off to babysit me.

Useless, pathetic little boy.

I’m twenty fucking years old and I can’t be trusted to go out on my own. Every party I’ve been to since that night Sage took me home, Cooper, and by extension Jamie, have tagged along. That in itself isn't new but the way they watch me is. Two pairs of hawk eyes trained on the sad little bird in a sea of people who couldn’t give two shits about him.

Jamie asked me once why I even bother going to these parties, why I hang out with people who wouldn’t even notice if I wasn’t there. The easy answer is because it's fun and we're young and going to parties is just what we do at this age. I could even say, I enjoy the time with my twin, I like dancing and I like the buzz of a night out.

But the deeper, more honest answer is that I go to these stupid parties so I can feel less alone, less empty and so that I can feel like I am a part ofsomethingwithout having to share a part of myself. The people I surround myself with, they can’t disappoint me because I won’t let them. They can’t hurt me because I would have to care enough for that to happen.

They can hurt you though. Kyle hurt you.I rub at my temple until it stings, pushing that thought as far away as I can.

“Caiden?” Cooper’s voice pulls me from my thoughts and I blink them away rapidly, rubbing at the stinging in my thigh. This latest cut is deeper than usual, probably too deep, and I couldn’t get it to stop bleeding, so I covered it in multiple plasters and put on black jeans in case it bleeds through. I’mscared I’ll have to get stitches, and though it's not the stitches that I fear, it’s letting my brother down that makes me nauseous.

“Yeah?” He’s looking at me with one raised brow and I suspect I missed his question.

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