Page 22 of That One Moment

“I hope that’s where we go when we die,” Cooper says, his voice full of wonder. “It would mean that we get to look down on everyone we leave behind and they would always look up at us too. Because who doesn’t stop to look at the stars?”

It’s a somber yet beautiful thought.

“Well this is picture-worthy,” Mum says when she finds the four of us, lying together, looking at the night sky. “Duncan!” she yells out, “grab the camera and get a picture of them from upstairs. It’ll be the perfect shot.”

We’re shivering by the time we leave the garden and head into the dining room for what looks to be a medieval banquet minus the stuffed pig.

“That’s a lot of food, Mummy Maria,” Sage says as she sits. We all follow suit and wait for Mum to say her little birthday speech and then, we dig in, eating until our bellies ache. No one asks Caiden about his meal with his mother, but my guess is she didn’t show, again, and no one mentions the bruising on his neck. He catches me looking at it once but I duck my eyes and return to my meal.

Once the food is packed away, and Mum has placed three containers of leftovers onto the counter - one for each of us who don’t live here - we sit together in the lounge to hand out gifts. We laugh at the joke gifts Sage bought the twins, a smile even touching Caiden’s lips when he opens a cereal box that she’s filled with squishy, smiling penises. Duncan gives the boys both gift cards which they gladly receive and my mum gifts them both rugby jerseys from their favourite team, signed by the team captain.

“I already gave Cooper his gift,” I say, reaching into my bag to pull out Caiden’s. Sage whispers something that sounds like ‘I’m sure you did,’ under her breath and Duncan snickers. My cheeksheat, but I ignore the rising blush and hand the small black box to Caiden.

He holds it in the palm of his hand, looks from the box to me, then back at the box. Slowly, as though disarming a bomb, he peels off the ribbon and slides the lid off. If he was going for suspense, that’s exactly what he got. Holding my breath, I wait for him to react. He pulls out the bracelet, lays it in the palm of his hand and just….looks at it. Next to me, Sage coughs, but he doesn’t take his eyes off the piece of jewelry.

Caiden’s brow furrows then he looks at me. “This is…” he clears his throat and starts again. “This is…thank you.” His blue eyes meet mine and I can’t decipher the look that crosses them before his attention is back on the bracelet.

“It’s perfect, right?” Cooper says, depositing himself on my lap. “Jamie gives the best presents.”

“Yeah,” Caiden says, his voice barely a whisper. “It’s perfect.”

Chapter Nine

Caiden

Is it possible to have the best and worst birthday of your life all in the space of a day? Because that’s what today has been. Last night sucked. Kyle’s rough hands and sloppy kisses haunted my dreams and I woke up in a cold sweat in Sage’s bed, my face streaked and crusty with dried tears.

But today? Today was probably the best day I’ve had in a very long time. Spending time with Cooper, laughing with him as we chased each other through the garden, and stargazing in his still, quiet presence, left me feeling lighter than I had in a while.

Turning my smart speaker on to play a random selection, I close my eyes and think of Cooper. I smile, remembering the day we turned eight and our parents took us to the cinema. We ate popcorn mixed with chocolate buttons and drank soda for the very first time. Mum had laughed at the animated film and Dad had held her hand, smiling when she popped a piece of popcorn in his mouth. Afterwards, Cooper and I had built a tent out of sofa cushions and blankets and then spent the night telling eachother stories and laughing in that carefree way that two happy eight year olds with bellies full of sugar do. I can still vividly recall that night, and the way I’d been so warm inside.That’swhat happiness was to me - that warmth that filled me from the bottom of my toes to the tips of my ears.

“I’m so glad I was born with my best friend,” Cooper had said, his smile big but his eyes heavy with sleep.

My chest tightens when I picture Cooper now, aiming that same wide smile at Jamie. Jamie, who is his new best friend. Or hisotherbest friend. Jamie, the boy with messy brown hair and the crooked grin. The one who sings old songs out loud regardless of who's around and who talks animatedly about buildings and shit.

Jamie, who I want to hate because Cooper loves him and he loves Cooper, and no one loves me.

I don’t even like myself very much.

A furry tail brushes against my face as my cat, Ford, climbs onto my chest. He digs his nails into my t-shirt and a little engine starts in his chest as he purrs. I stroke his back and he settles himself contentedly, rolling into a furry ball. I found him a year ago at the bottom of a garden I was working on. He's all black, scrawny though in good health, and missing most of his tail. I don't know his history, but someone hurt him, of that I'm sure. And I'll never let anything bad happen to him again. One day I'll build him a huge catio in our garden and he can live like a king.

Digging into my back pocket, without disturbing Ford, I pull out the bracelet Jamie gave me. Spinning it in my hand, I hold it up to the light to get a better look. The steel that makes up the small links are a dark gray, almost black and the stones laid into each link are a dark blue. I’m sure they have a name but I don’t know much about precious stones or gems. It’s heavy and cold to the touch and when I lay it over my wrist and fasten it securely, it blends in beautifully against my tattooed skin. I try to squash thethought that he chose this gift because it reminded him of me. I shouldn’t think that Jamie picked it out for any other reason than that he needed to buy something.

Citizen Soldier’sBedroom Ceilingplays through my smart speaker and I drop my arm, letting it fall to the cool sheets, the bracelet a noticeable weight on my wrist.

My eyes drift up to my own ceiling and I study the small crack that runs from the light to one corner. The lyrics of the song reach me and I think over all the feelings and thoughts that sit heavily on my chest, wondering if there’s merit to just blurting them all out, even if only the walls of my room can hear them.

“I didn’t want him to touch me,” I whisper, taking a deep breath and then repeating my words. Tears blur my vision and I blink rapidly to bat them away. “I just wanted Mum to have dinner with me.” More tears build up until the blinking does nothing but push them down my cheeks. “I wish I was more like Cooper.” More tears. “I wish someone loved me like Jamie loves Cooper.” I continue like this, naked truths and painful realities tumbling from my lips, until my eyes are stinging. My sobs deepen and Ford jumps off of me, gives me a glance and then walks to his bed attached to the radiator in my room.

My chest tightens and I squeeze my eyes shut as that familiar drowning sensation starts creeping up from the pit of my stomach.

My pulse races until all I can hear is theboom boomof my heartbeat in my ears. It’s so loud that I can’t hear anything else. Even the song is drowned out. I startle when a warm body blankets me and Cooper’s familiar vanilla scent fills my nostrils. I wrap my arms around him as he turns us over and pulls me into his chest, positioning us until we’re leaning against the headboard of my unmade bed.

“I didn’t want him to touch me,” I say, and Cooper sucks in a breath, but he doesn’t pull away. A hand comes up to the backof my head and he rubs it, up and down, up and down, up and down. The rhythm is a comfort that reaches the darkest parts of my damaged soul. “I begged him to stop. Why didn’t he stop?” My sobs grow harder until my words are coming out in hiccups. “And Mum didn’t come, I just wanted to have dinner with her for my birthday.” More sobs, more tears, more hiccups. More soothing pats and tight hugs from my twin. My best friend.

I pull back, my eyes burning when they look into Cooper’s own, bloodshot eyes. Tears line his cheeks and he’s chewing his bottom lip. “I feel like I’m drowning, Cooper. All the time. Like there’s all this water and it’s pushing me down, holding me under, and there’s no one there to save me.”

He takes my hands in his, squeezing them tightly. Blue eyes that mirror my own hold me in their grasp, keeping me grounded and connected.

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