Page 14 of That One Moment

Cooper darts towards him, sliding onto the dirty floor, ignoring the way liquid that I hope is vodka seeps into his jeans as he pulls Caiden into his arms.

“Hey, shhhh, it’s okay. I’m here. Shhhh.”

Caiden looks up and his bloodshot eyes meet mine. His cheek is swollen, the start of a bruise blossoming beneath the skin. His back stiffens before he looks back at his twin.

“You were with him?”

I stand awkwardly at the door, leaving Cooper to take control of the situation. There is little I can say to appease Caiden when he’s in one of his moods. Only Cooper can reach him.

“I’ve told you already, Jamie is my boyfriend. So yes, I was with him. You don’t need to accept him as a brother, but you do have to accept that he belongs to me and I really fucking like him. Okay?”

My chest is fuzzy with warmth and I can’t help the smile that settles on my face, even if now is not the time to be smiling.He belongs to me.That’s what he said. I’m his. All his.

Caiden nods but he doesn’t look at me again. Instead, he rests his head on Cooper’s shoulder and cries. “She said we’d have dinner here today. She said we could talk about the Spain trip we’ve been planning. But then at the last minute, just as the cab dropped me off, she called to say she had other plans. She’s going away with a new boyfriend. She said ‘maybe we can discuss Spain another time.’” Cooper rubs the back of Caiden’s head as his twin cries harder into his neck. He looks so much younger than his nineteen years and beneath the cold veneer I can see the sad boy who just wants his mother to love him and keep him.

My skin prickles and I grit my teeth against the overwhelming rush of protectiveness that I feel towards Caiden. It's different to how I feel about Cooper. This feeling is softer, less primal, less charged. I don't want to claim him and bury myself in his soul the way I do his brother. But I do want him to stop hurting.

I look around the dingy bathroom and out into the hall, wondering why a mother would suggest this place for a dinner date with her son. Unless of course it has something to do with the new boyfriend, which would make sense.

“I’m such an idiot. Why do I always do this? I always believe that she’ll be different but all she does is let me down.”

“I know,” Cooper says, then kisses the top of his head. “It’s not wrong to want so much more from our mother butIlove you Caiden,dadloves you. Maybe one day that will be enough.” It’s not a question. It’s a hope. This isn’t the first time he’s picked up the pieces of his twin. Pieces that their mother left shattered on the ground. I doubt very much it will be the last.

We carry Caiden out. I offer him an arm and though I can feel the tension rolling off him in waves, he accepts. It’s the first time he’s ever leaned on me.

By the time we lug Caiden up the stairs and into his bed, he’s a dead weight and completely out. Cooper removes his shoes, pulls off his jeans and then cleans his face with a damp cloth. It’s when he rolls over onto his back that I see the scars. Short, red and silver scars in lines down his inner thighs. I also notice, for the first time, that he’s thinner than his brother, the ridges of his ribs protruding from beneath his pale skin. Cooper sees me looking and quickly covers his twin with a blanket.

“His thighs,” I say quietly, my brow raised in question even though it's quite clear what caused them.

Cooper sighs, gently taking my arm and pulling me out of the room, shutting the door behind us.

“He told me he stopped but some of those are new. He’s been cutting himself since he was about sixteen. He told me once that it’s the only time he feels in control of his life.”

My eyes move to the closed door then back to Cooper. “Have you told your dad? Maybe Caiden should see someone?”

Downstairs, I hear the front door close and Mum's laughter carry up the stairs before she calls my name, no doubt having seen my car in the driveway.

“Be right down!” I yell, before turning my attention back to Cooper.

He scoffs and lowers his voice, looking to the stairs before he continues. “The first time I told my dad, he yelled and called Caiden irresponsible. My dad's a good guy but he doesn't understand Caiden. He doesn't get that Caiden can't just turn off how he feels. I’ve done my own research on how to care for someone who self-harms and that isnotthe way. I’ve read thousands of pages online, spoken to support hotlines and done every bit of research I can to try and help him. And I’ve suggested therapy or even just speaking to the doctor, but Caiden’s stubborn and tells me he’ll stop on his own. That it’s not something he does often.”

His eyes water and I pull him into me, so we’re chest to chest, heart to heart. Then, I place a soft kiss on his forehead. “You’re a good brother, you know that?”

He moves to bury his face in the crook of my neck and I shiver when his warm breath hits my skin. “I would be a better brother if I could make him stop hurting himself.”

My sweet, sweet boyfriend with a gentle soul. He takes so much on his shoulders and I want to carry it all for him. I kiss the side of his head and hold him a little tighter.

“I’m sorry about our evening,” he says, his words coming out muffled.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” My hold on him loosens. “Do you want to go downstairs and watch something?”

Cooper’s silent for a long moment before he looks up at me. He’s chewing his bottom lip and his eyes keep darting to the door behind us.

“It’s okay if you just want to go sit with him. He’s your brother and you want to take care of him. I get that.”

“I’m sorry.” He dips his head but I place two fingers under his chin and tilt it so we are eye to eye.

“No more apologising. Not for caring about him, okay?” Placing my lips to his, I let them linger for a little, soaking up a few more seconds of him.

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