Page 68 of Trial Run

Marco processed that as he filled in colors on a cartoon character. “I want to go to the park to look for rocks this weekend.”

She took a deep breath, reaching for calm. “Don’t you want to do something else? We could go see a movie. There’s a new superhero movie out this weekend.”

The last two weekends, all Marco had wanted to do was look for rocks. At least he hadn’t mentioned Ben again this week.

After Ben had left, Nell explained to Marco that he wasn’t feeling well, and they might not see him again for a while. For the first week, Marco kept asking what had happened, when they’d see Ben again, and why he’d left. After Nell gave him the same explanation over and over, he’d seemed to give up.

“I don’t like movies.” He put down the crayon and fiddled with the sugar packets on the table. “Except documentaries.”

“Or we could check out that new trampoline place. You’d like jumping.”

“No. No, thank you,” he corrected himself, shaking his head.

The waitress arrived with their dinner and set down both plates. Marco took a huge bite, chewed, and swallowed.

“My display case is almost full now. So we need to call Ben.”

Nell was so startled to hear Ben’s name after a week, it took her a moment to reply.

“What do you mean?”

“Ben said he wanted to see my collection when the case was full. So I’ve been working on filling it up, and now we have to show him.”

“Oh.” Nell covered her eyes with her hand, taking a steadying breath. According to Marco’s seven year-old logic, if he filled up the display case, he’d get to see Ben again.

She met his serious gaze. “You really want to see him again, don’t you?”

Marco nodded vigorously.

“Sweetie. I can’t promise we’ll see him again. The truth is, he said … He told me he wasn’t going to come over to our house for a while.” She couldn’t bring herself to say never. “This is not your fault at all. But he might not be able to come. I’m sure he’d love to see your rocks, if he could.”

Marco frowned. “Why won’t he come over? He likes both of us.”

Nell’s heart constricted. Damn Ben for making her have to explain this to Marco, for letting down her son as well. This was exactly what she’d wanted to avoid all along. At least Marco still didn’t know they’d been dating.

“I think he’s having some personal problems, and he didn’t feel like he could handle them right now.”

“Oh.” Marco took another bite, frowning as he chewed. “It’s because he’s shy. And nervous. I told him I’m like that at school sometimes, too.”

“So you understand why we can’t call him right now.”

“Not really.”

But Marco let the topic go while they finished their dinner.

That night, after she’d tucked him in and taken care of all her plants, Nell sat alone at her kitchen table, staring at her phone. It would be so easy to call or text Ben, to give in to the urge to find out how he was doing. Was he having more panic attacks now? Had his clinic gotten a lot of attention, following the newspaper article?

It was none of her concern anymore. And yet her heart reached out to him, as if they were tied together by a thread that had stretched thin, but not snapped. When she closed her eyes at night, she saw his glittering dark eyes, gazing at her with an emotion that had felt so real at the time.

And her feelings for him … She wouldn’t name them. She wouldn’t call it love, because if it had been love, she’d beheartbroken right now. And she was not heartbroken. She was thriving, and going back to college, and doing everything she’d forgotten she wanted to do for six long years.

If Ben loved her, he wouldn’t have left. But that’s what he’d done.

After brushing her teeth and changing into pajamas, she eyed her empty bed. She’d barely slept the last two weeks. She dragged the covers off and pulled them into Marco’s room, like she used to do, when they were first alone together. She made a nest on the floor next to his bed and curled up inside it.

Pulling the covers over her head, she tried to calm down enough to fall asleep. She hugged a pillow to her chest, but she did not pretend it was Ben. And she did not cry.

Chapter 20

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