Page 59 of Trial Run

“Th-thank you. I needed a place to put all my rocks.” Marco’s face lit up with excitement, and Ben’s chest tightened.

“You’ll have such a big collection, you’ll need another case soon. You’ll have to show me when you fill this one up.” He looked up to see Nell shaking her head at him from the other room, amusement in her gaze.

“I will. Wait ‘til you see this new one.” He took off out of the kitchen to get his new fossil, which did in fact turn out to be a fossil.

“You’re the only one I’ve shown my rocks to,” Marco told him, when Nell was out of earshot. “I’d never bring them to school in case they got stolen.”

Ben frowned. “Do people steal things at your school?”

“Only from me. Because they like to be bullies. Don’t tell Mom I said that.” Marco’s eyes pleaded with him to understand.

“I won’t. But why did they steal from you?” Ben fought to keep his voice level, so his sudden surge of anger wouldn’t scare Marco.

Marco shrugged. “Because I wouldn’t say anything. I d-didn’t used to talk at school last year. Not at all.”

A familiar mix of tenderness and rage flooded Ben’s veins, half-remembered from his childhood days of fending off bullies from Leah.

He’d keep his word to Marco. But if this boy was his, he’d go straight to the school and tell them. He’d make sure it never happened again. But Marco wasn’t his, and neither was Nell. Not yet, not really.

Their dinner conversation covered how scientists date rocks, how old were the oldest rocks, and what kinds of dinosaurs might have lived in Missouri. After dinner and Marco’s bedtime, when Nell had tucked her son into bed, she joined Ben on the couch.

“It might be a while before he falls asleep,” she warned.

“I remember.”

“Thank you for the gift. He’s always so excited to see you.” She looked down at her lap as she spoke.

“Are you worried about that? That he might be getting attached?” He wanted to tell her not to worry. He wasn’t planning on letting Marco down. Or her.

“Not worried, exactly. I guess it makes me realize how much he needs more than just me. As a single mom, I try to be everything to him. But I can’t do that.”

“No one can be more than one person.”

“I know that, in my mind. In reality, I’ve had to at least try to do it all. There wasn’t any other choice.”

“Nell. You have to know I want to be there for you. For both of you.” The words spilled out of him, too close to what he wanted to say, and not quite enough.

She drew in a breath. “It’s almost the end of the three weeks.”

“I am very aware of that fact.”

“And we haven’t talked about what we’ll do next. When the trial run is over.”

His heart rate accelerated. “My anxiety is better. I haven’t had a panic attack in a week. If I can keep it under control, like it is now …”

She shook her head. “You know I don’t care about that. I’d want you either way, whether you’re having more or less anxiety.”

“What if I never got any better? You’d want a partner who couldn’t go places like a restaurant or a show? A person who had a hard time going for a walk?”

Her eyes met his, solemn and glinting gray. “I would want that person, if that person was you.”

Ben shut his eyes for a moment, swallowing past the burning lump in his throat. “Not like that. I need to be well to be withyou, to be there for you. If you can ever trust me enough to let me.”

Nell pulled him into her arms and he went, burying his face in her neck, where her smell was sweetest.

Her voice was a soft vibration against his forehead. “I’d be willing to keep trying, after this week. If you are. I … care about you, Ben.”

It was enough for now, that she’d admitted a sliver of feeling for him. Ben kissed her softly instead of replying, because if he replied, he’d say he loved her, and she wouldn’t be ready to say it back. No words were good enough for her, anyway.

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