Page 35 of Trial Run

His pulse spiked, and didn’t slow as he dressed in his full armor—black wool suit with a royal blue tie, blue pocket square, and his platinum tie pin.

Fifteen minutes later, he stood by the front door, ready and not ready to go. He patted his pockets. Keys, phone, wallet. Now, to get into his own car and drive himself to work, like he used to do every single day without a thought.

He’d do this because it was the right thing to do, because he was needed, and people depended on him. And also because Nell would be happy for him. Her sunny smile appeared in his mind and he held onto the image as he twisted the door handle.

She believed he could do this, so he would. Tomorrow night, on their first date, he’d tell her about it.

The few steps to his car were quick and focused. He slid into the driver’s seat and slammed the door shut. Instinct would kick in as soon as he started driving. He couldn’t have forgotten how in the last month.

The drive downtown passed in a blur. His brain and hands remembered the route, and he pulled into his reserved parking space behind the clinic and killed the ignition. A few more deep breaths with his hands on the wheel. The panic hadn’t arrived yet—not while walking to his car, and not while driving. But panic attacks were sneaky bastards that liked to tackle you from behind.

He caught sight of himself in the rearview mirror as he opened the car door. From the outside, he appeared as he always had. Calm and in control. He locked the car and jogged up the clinic steps.

In the main sitting room, Penny slumped over the couch arm. Vanessa perched on the edge of a nearby armchair, and when he came in the door, she jumped up and strode toward him. Her long floral skirt swished around her ankles, her auburn hair a voluminous cloud around her face.

She smiled at him and pulled him into a quick hug.

“It’s so good to see you, despite the circumstances. I missed you.”

He cleared his throat, thumped her awkwardly on the back. “I missed you, too.” He glanced over her shoulder at Penny. “Has she said anything else?”

“No. She’s been like this for almost an hour now.”

“Will you block off this area of the clinic? Have the first patients come in the side door and use the second floor sitting room as a waiting area for the morning.”

“Of course. I’ll make a sign for the front door.” She hurried to lock the front door and headed down the hall to the side entrance.

Ben crossed the room and knelt by the sofa in front of Penny. The older woman’s eyes looked dull, unfocused, her expression free of any spark of her usual personality. She’d put her shirt on backward, too. She’d been doing so well last week, when he’d seen her on their video call.

“Penny, can you hear me?” he asked.

At the sound of his voice, her eyes shifted in his direction. The pupils moved in slow motion, as if on a delay.

“Dr. Friedman?” she asked, her voice thick and slow.

“Yes, it’s me. I heard you came in to see me this morning.”

“I thought we had an appointment. But I … couldn’t remember when. I wanted to be on time.”

“You were on time. No need to worry.” He kept his voice light.

“Oh. That’s good.”

“Can I sit next to you?” He stood slowly, not wanting to startle her.

“Yesss.” She drew the word out, frowning at the sound of it. “Something isn’t right. I don’t feel normal. I needed to tell you. You said … If something went wrong, I’d know who to ask.”

“That’s exactly right, to ask for help. Do you know when you took your last dose of your antidepressant?” He spoke slowly, making sure she understood the words.

“Last night. Before bed, like always.”

“Good. Perfect. And did you do anything else, anything different from your normal routine?”

She shook her head in slow motion, then nodded. “I had a doctor appointment with my regular doctor yesterday. He gave me a new medicine.”

The hair on the back of Ben’s neck stood up. “What was the medicine for?”

“For muscle spasms. I told him my legs had been twitching at night. I took a picture of the bottle.”

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