Page 33 of Trial Run

“Understandable.”

“So you probably don’t want to get involved with me now.”

“I want …” Ben shifted to look down at her. His face was so close, she could kiss him again, and she wanted that. The feel of his mouth, the warmth of his lean body pressed against her. It had only been a taste, and she wanted more. She froze in shock at her own thought train, pinned by his eyes.

“I want whatever we can have together,” he said. “I want to know you. You already know I’m far from perfect myself.”

She frowned, drawing away from him. “But you’re smart and successful. And kind of famous.”

“And I’ve only left the house a handful of times in the last month. All of them with you. Thank you for that, by the way.”

“But it’s not your fault. You have anxiety. A lot of people have it.”

He shook his head, as if he didn’t quite believe her. “I’ve known I had anxiety my entire adult life, and I still let it get this bad. But I’ve changed my medication dose, and you’ve helped me get back out the door. It’s just … I can’t figure out why. Why I wasn’t able to get it under control this time. Which means it could happen again. I’m sorry. I don’t usually sit on this couch and tell other people my problems.”

“But you do with me.”

The corner of his mouth twisted up. “Only with you, it seems.”

“So … What should we do?”

He was quiet for a moment before he spoke again. “I can’t tell you what to do. But whenever a patient in my practice starts a new medication, we do a three-week trial run to see if it’s going to work, or if we need to adjust the dosage, or try a different medicine. Most of the time, we don’t know if it’s going to work until we give it three weeks.”

“The medicine takes that long to work?”

“It does. And I’m wondering if the same might be true for us. We’d have to try dating to know if it works for either of us.”

“And if it doesn’t work out?”

“We’d part ways. No obligations.”

Would it be any easier to say goodbye to him in three weeks? Things could only get more complicated, more messy. But she’d shown him parts of her past no one had seen, and he hadn’t run away screaming. He’d said he wanted to know her.

“I might be willing to try it, except for Marco. I don’t want him getting confused. Thinking we’re together when we’re not. It would be too hard for him when … if it doesn’t work out.”

“We could tell him we’re friends. It does seem like it would be smarter not to tell him at first.”

“I can’t risk hurting him.” Nell stood in a rush. “I’m sorry, Ben. I don’t think I can.”

Ben gave a sad little nod, looking up at her from the couch. “I understand. It was just an idea. A way of thinking about it. But you’ve been through a lot, and I’m not very functional right now, either. Maybe neither one of us is ready to date.”

He shoved a hand through his glossy black hair with its threads of silver, the waves uncharacteristically messy because she’d had her hands in them twenty minutes ago.

Of course he was as worried as she was about dating. He’d shared as much of his own vulnerabilities, maybe more than she had. He needed patience and understanding as much as she did.

She’d stepped closer to him without realizing it. She stood right between his knees, and he looked up at her, brown eyes soft and sad in his sharp, severe-looking face.

She cupped his jaw in her hands and pressed her mouth to his, because she couldn’t resist, softer and much gentler than their earlier kiss. Ben’s lips parted on an indrawn breath. He’d kept his eyes open, and they drew her in, asking her to trust him, telling her it would be all right.

She pulled back a couple of inches. “If we did do this trial run, would you kiss me? As part of the three weeks?”

His expression darkened, pupils widening. “I want to. Unless you say no. Then I would absolutely respect that boundary.”

“Okay.” She pulled in a breath, straightened. “Let’s try one evening together. Maybe have dinner. We can see how it goes. Then I’ll make a decision.”

Where this calm, authoritative person had come from, she didn’t know. But it was her decision to make. At every step, he’d let her lead the way, never pushing her to do what she didn’t want.

Ben swallowed. “One date. I can do that. The, uh … Dinner might have to be at my house or yours. I’m not sure about going to restaurants yet.” He dropped his eyes, looking sheepish.

---