Page 17 of Trial Run

“Why would you think that?” His gaze stayed on her as she drove the few blocks back to his house, winding through the residential area.

“It’s nothing. It’s just … It’s something I’ve learned about myself. Lots of people have told me. I’m kind of a mess. I never seem to be able to get ahead of things.”

She pulled the van up to the curb and threw it into park with more force than she’d meant to.

Kurt had told her all those things about herself, told her every day, and the words still lived inside her, coiled in the pit of her stomach. Her ex had told her not to finish college, that she wouldn’t need a job. She should rely on him to take care of the finances, because she’d never be able to keep track of it all.

He’d been right about some of it, though. Here she was, scrambling to make rent again. A more organized person wouldn’t have this issue. A better mom would have—

“Nell. Look at me.” Ben’s voice was low, commanding. She swallowed and turned slowly to meet his eyes, which were softer than she’d ever seen them, an endless deep brown well of understanding. No wonder his patients loved him so much.

“Please don’t say things like that about yourself,” he said. “I don’t know who made you believe those things, but they’re not true. You have many skills, and you can learn anything you want to. You got me out the door of my house, and no one’s done that in a month. I’m forty, and that’s where I’m at.”

Nell froze, her hands stuck in their place on the steering wheel. Something in her chest cracked open, letting out a swirl of nameless emotion. She pushed the feeling away, but it kept expanding, a giant pressure behind her ribcage.

She gave a hiccupy little laugh. “Okay. I guess I have one skill.”

“One skill among many.” Ben’s gaze was steady on her. “You know a lot about plants. You take very good care of your son. Above all, you’re a kind person who cares about other people, and that is a strength of its own. I hope you hear that. And I may need your assistance to get back inside my house, if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind.” Nell jumped out of the van to avoid his eyes. One more minute of their kind compassion, and she’d lose it.

The dozen steps back to his front door went by fast, much easier than the trip out to the van. He kept her arm looped in his the whole time.

All the way up to his porch, her heart beat a wild tempo, the fissure in her chest expanding. She swallowed down the emotion and made her face as neutral as she could. She couldn’t even manage a fake smile right now.

Once Ben had unlocked the door, he turned to face her, safely back inside his house. “You have more flowers to deliver tomorrow, I assume.”

“Yeah.” She looked over his shoulder, anywhere but at his face.

“Well. Good luck. And thank you for today. I’m glad to know I can manage going out for a short time, at least.” He gave her a nod of dismissal and shut the door with a click.

Nell walked back to the van at a normal pace. In the driver’s seat, she opened her delivery list and tried to make a plan of where to go next, but her thoughts were a tangle of thorns and vines. She opened her maps app, chest heaving, but the map swam in front of her eyes.

She dropped her forehead onto the steering wheel and burst into tears. The happy mask she wore most of the time fell away, and feelings rushed out, water from a broken vase. Someone hadseen her, for the first time in so long. And it was a relief, and a terrible pain at the same time.

She wiped her eyes with a sleeve and pulled the van away from the curb before he looked out the window and noticed her still sitting out here. At least no one had witnessed this meltdown. She could keep this to herself, keep it together.

She didn’t drop anything, or go to any wrong addresses all day.

Chapter 5

Ben had just finished his evening run on the treadmill when his phone chimed with a call, in Vanessa’s ringtone. Hopping off the machine, he mopped his brow with the hem of his T-shirt and swiped to answer the call.

“It’s after six. Why are you still in the office?”

“Hello to you, too. And there’ve been a hundred times I could’ve asked you the same thing.” The “until recently” was implied in her tone.

“You should go home. Get some dinner.” Ben strode into the kitchen, filled a glass of water, and drained it in a couple of gulps.

“I will soon. I was catching up on some patient paperwork. But I had to call you and say, nice work on the flowers. We got several phone calls about them today.”

Ben set down the glass. “Did they like them?”

“Of course they liked them. Everyone likes flowers. It was a good idea you had.”

“Thanks.”

“No substitute for seeing you in person, of course.” And now she’d gotten to the real reason for her call.

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