Page 36 of Play Pretend

Maybe it was the ghost of the widow who manned the lighthouse a century ago, waiting for her long-lost love to come back home. She never left—even when she was too old to climb those stone steps, her creaky hands aching as she turned the massive light.

She never left. Never gave up.

She kept calling sailors home—she kept callinghimhome.

I looked at the old wooden door at the base. There was a thought at the back of my mind, lingering and begging me to go to it. To just push it open and walk inside, to climb those same steps, relive her day.

If I could get into her head, I could know who she was.

I tapped my fingers against the cold, black screen of my phone, emotion clogging my throat. She was all alone for so long. What was her ending like? A part of me was terrified to end up like her—forgotten and nameless to history—but another part of me welcomed it. Welcomed the freedom of a life without a man, without identity. That didn’t mean a life without love, but it meant a life without heartbreak.

Because if I never had a man, if I never gave my heart to someone, I never had to feel the pain she did. I never had to pine for the rest of my life, aching for him to return. I never had to fear abandonment or fear the loneliness that would undoubtedly come once he was gone.

But maybe loneliness could be a friend. Loneliness could be my lifelong companion. It would always be there, the one constant in my life, and I would know that it would never leave. It would neverabandon melike a man could.

Like a man had.

I stared down at my phone, tears brimming in my eyes. I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to hear all the things my father would say, all the things everyone would say.

It was my fault—I knew that. If I hadn’t lied, this wouldn’t be happening. But I couldn’t change the past, no matter how much I wanted to.

I flipped the phone over in my hands, my stomach twisting into a knot as I swept my gaze over the beach again. The couple was making their way toward the parking lot, their dog in tow. They looked so happy—they looked so in love.

The wind whipped at my hair, and I reached up, smoothing it away from my face. I inhaled the salty air, letting it ground me once more.

I had to do this. No more putting it off.

My thumb shook as I dragged it along the screen, unlocking my phone. It hovered over the icons, blurred by my teary vision. God, why was this so hard?

I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth, chewing the dry skin until it broke. Coppery blood filled my mouth, mingling with the taste of salt on the wind. Another deep breath, then I pressed theContactsapp.

With every swipe of my thumb, my heart beat faster. Cold sweat broke out along my forehead, and my icy hands shook harder.

You can do this.

“Is this spot taken?”

I jolted at the sound of the masculine voice, my phone nearly falling from my hand. My head tipped back, and I squinted past the sunlight searing my eyes. Shock rendered me momentarily stunned, unable to speak or think or move.

“Uh, no,” I breathed, watching as Ronan sank to the ground beside me.

He looked so unlike himself in jeans and a T-shirt. I’d seen him in similar outfits a million times before, but something about him was different today. Perhaps it was his windswept hair, or maybe it was the slight beard coating his strong jaw. Or it could be that he was sitting on the ground, which I’d never seen him do.

He bent his legs, planting his feet flat on the ground. With his arms draped over his knees, he tapped his finger against the back of his hand as he stared out at the crashing waves. I couldn’t stop looking at him, taking in every inch of his face. Why was he here?

“How was your day?” he finally asked, and my brows crashed together.

“My day?” I repeated, and he dipped his chin in a slight nod. He didn’t look at me—he stayed staring straight ahead. He wanted to talk about my day? “It was…fine. How was yours?”

A shoulder lifted and fell in a shrug. “Fine.”

“Okay…” I turned my attention back toward the sea. What did he want? I wanted to ask, but the words wouldn’t form on my lips. Nothing would. The only thing I could focus on was him—his scent, the warmth radiating off his body and heating my chilled arm, the mystery ofwhyhe was here, sitting only inches from me.

His chest deflated as he let out a long breath, his cheeks puffing out slightly. “I’ll do it.”

I blinked. Maybe it was confusion rendering me silent, or the fact this all felt like a dream. Any second I’d wake up and realize that the last year, all the lies I’d told, were all part of this hyper-realistic dreamscape.

“What?” My voice blended into the waves lapping at the shore below, into the wind blowing around us.

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