Page 35 of Play Pretend

Even when my knees shook and my lungs burned, I never stopped. I never looked back. I never gave up on the desperate, aching need to escape.

I never thought twice about the family I left behind—the family that had left me behind first. I didn’t think about the friends I hadn’t seen in months, or the job I dreaded going to every day.

I didn’t stop running until I was standing in front of a weather-worn lighthouse in Maine. Her white paint had chipped away, and the base was slick with green sea moss. The bulb inside had long since burned out, yet she still stood tall and proud, overlooking the sea, calling all those lost home.

I’d just rolled in from a lifelong voyage, exhausted and desperate for connection.

And until that moment, I’d never felt it.

It didn’t matter that I’d been surrounded by people my entire life. They didn’t know me—they didn’twantto know me. Beyond our shared blood, or beyond the single person connecting us by marriage, I’d felt nothing for them or the life I’d abandoned.

But this lighthouse…it was home.

It was love. It was light.

It was everything I’d been searching for my entire life.

“You’re making a mistake,” my father had said, his disappointment palpable. “A rash decision. Give it a few weeks—”Give it a lifetime, was what he’d meant. A lifetime of waiting, of watching from the sidelines, of playing it safe.

Never acting.

Never living.

His life was one long, “One day, I’ll do it,” and I couldn’t let that be me. I’d watched too much time already pass me by, afraidto do something that would upset everyone. That would turn them against me.

So, I stayed in that unhappy relationship because it was expected of me. I went to college because it was expected of me. I was on the path to be married to a cheater and pregnant before twenty-two because it wasexpectedof me.

They called me selfish. They told me I’d be back within the year. They said I’d never make it on my own.

But that was five years ago, and I’ve survived just fine.

In fact…I think I’d thrived.

Until I had to talk to him on the phone, then I was whittled down to nothing but that little girl hanging on her father’s every word, dissecting them like a butterfly.Then he’d leave me feeling empty and alone again, just like he had when he walked out the door that final time, abandoning his family for a new one.

The cool, sticky air snuggled along my skin like a dog nudging his wet nose against my arm. Sea mist, earthy seaweed, and humid sea salt mingled in the air. I inhaled deeply, my shoulders falling an inch.

Despite Ronan’s rejection, calmness filled my veins. This was why I moved here. This was why I chose Cedar Ridge. Because nothing and no one could take this feeling away from me—thisfreedomaway from me.

I stared out at the ocean, watching the white-capped waves crash along the rocky shore. A couple walked along the beach down below, their golden dog splashing in the water as he chased a bright yellow tennis ball. They laughed as they watched him play, the woman resting her head on her partner’s shoulder.

A faint smile graced my lips but was quickly wiped away when I turned my attention to the phone in my hand. It was like a brick, the weight of what I had to do settling over me in a thick, unwanted fog.

I didn’t know what to tell him, how to get out of this mess. Did I tell the truth or cover everything up with another lie? Neither option sounded like a good idea, but what choice did I have?

Ronan made it crystal clear he wanted nothing to do with me. He’d looked so disgusted at the idea of pretending to be my boyfriend, it had gutted me. I should’ve known better, though. Everything I did annoyed him.

I couldn’t breathe without him jumping down my throat.

To be fair, he couldn’t either.

It was stupid to think we could work together. We were never meant to mix, never meant to be anything but neighbors. It was safer like that, but the rejection still stung.

Telling my father the truth would sting even more.

I tipped my head back, closing my eyes as I breathed everything in. The hill I sat on overlooked the lighthouse, beach, and jetty. It was my favorite place, the best vantage point.

My gaze drifted upward, watching the lantern room at the top of the lighthouse, the glass darkly tinted and caked in sea salt. Something danced across the window, a barely-there shadow. It came and went so quickly I wasn’t sure if I’d even seen it—whateveritwas.

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