Page 18 of Play Pretend

After a quick shower, I settled into bed with the book in my lap. I didn’t know why I even lay down; I knew I wouldn’t sleep. But as I stared at the shadows dancing across my ceiling, Icouldn’t help but let myself focus solely on Willow and what kind of life we could’ve had if I hadn’t been such an asshole for the last five years.

Her face shone brightly in the darkness behind my eyes, and a movie conjured up by my imagination played in my mind. Slowly, sleep pulled me under, and my cute neighbor was the star of my dreams.

willow

“Mocha latte, table three!” Gracie called as she soared past me. Her voice carried behind her as she disappeared into the kitchen, leaving me with a line of people out the door. I took a deep breath as I turned to the next customer, my best and brightest smile plastered to my face.

“Hey,” I said, my voice warm. “Sorry about the wait. What can I get you?” The man glanced at the hanging menu board above my head and scanned each item. I shifted my weight from one foot to the next, peeking around him at the line that was growing more antsy by the second.

I drummed my fingers against the worn wood of the counter, the pastel yellow paint chipped and peeling away. “I’ll have a cinnamon roll and an iced matcha.” His smile was gentle as he met my gaze again, and I keyed in the order on the screen before turning it toward him to check that everything was correct.

The people behind him grumbled something I couldn’t make out, but it was our policy to never rush a customer. It might be their first and only time here, and since we were one of the most popular bakeries on the East coast, we wanted to make everyone’s visit special.

But this wasn’t the man’s first time in. He’d been in yesterday, and while he’d been just as slow to order, he’d been kind.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” I asked, keeping my voice light. Gracie rushed back from the kitchen, a tray with plates of pastries and sandwiches balanced on her palm. She floated to a table in the back, her sweet laugh carrying over the chatter in the small building.

“Actually, I’m new in town,” the man started, and my gaze slid back to meet his. “And I was wondering, well…” He huffed out a laugh as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I never do this, can you tell?”

Red crept up the front of his neck and settled on his cheeks. He was a cute guy, probably a little younger than me, with blond hair and dark brown eyes. His skin was tan, like he spent too much time outside, and he was tall. Not as tall or wide as Ronan, but?—

I dug my nails into the wood to force myself to stop thinking about Ronan. Somehow, after last night, it was clearer than ever that we were better off as strangers. I’d needed to purge my feelings to my plants after that interaction, just like I usually did.

It was obvious that, when we weren’t bickering, we were awkward as hell. Which meant I needed to end this stupid lie with my family before it spiraled even deeper.Not that anything would ever come of it. The lie would always remain a lie, and Ronan would always remain my too-awkward-too-hot neighbor.

But for a moment—a brief, fleeting moment that came and went in the same breath—I’d allowed myself to fall into the world I’d created. I’d allowed myself to pretend that he really was my boyfriend, and we really had done all those things I’d told my family about.

Last night when I was talking to my plants, I realized I needed to work harder at really settling into my life here. WhenI first moved to Cedar Ridge, I’d worked hard at trying to make myself a local, but somewhere along the way, I stopped. I stopped trying. I stopped caring.

I didn’t know if it was when I realized my neighbor hated me, or if it was when I couldn’t make and keep friends outside of Gracie. But it felt like I was never quiteone of them.So, I’d found comfort and safety in the privacy of my home, in the solitude of the lighthouse.

And luckily, I lived next to the quietest person in town. Ronan always kept to himself, and because of that, I never let myself get too caught up in him. My relationship with him was predictable. It was a constant I didn’t know I needed. But last night, when he waskind, when he was trying to actually talk to me, when he was doing something different from our norm, I realized how much I needed his grumpiness when we interacted. Without it, I remembered the crush I used to have on him. How likeable he was, even if he was a bit awkward.

His grumpiness was a safe barrier between us. It helped remind me we could never, and would never, be anything but neighbors. Even with all the lies I’d told, his attitude helped keep me rooted in our reality.

Last night, I felt the line blur. Something was different, but I didn’t know what.

Or maybe it was all in my head.

“Anyway, I was wondering if you’d like to go out tonight?”

I blinked, reality settling in around me once more. “I’m sorry?”

“It doesn’t have to be a date,” the customer rushed to say. “We could just hang out. You know, get to know each other. I’m Braydon.” His hand shot out across the counter, and I stared at it before sliding my palm against his.

“Willow.”

He smiled, and it was dazzling, but it wasn’thim.

It wasn’t Ronan.

I shook myself.

I knew the only reason he was consuming all my thoughts was because I’d been dodging calls from my family for the last few days. Every time I talked to them, it conjured up all those lies and emotions surrounding him.

I’d let it go on for way too long, and things needed to end.

“I’m working late,” I said gently, scrambling to find a way to turn this seemingly nice man down.

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