Page 16 of Play Pretend

I stopped myself.

I couldn’t go down this road with my fuckingneighbor. It would only end in disaster, and when it inevitably did, we still had to live next to each other. It would be awkward, and one of us would have no choice but to move.

We stepped onto the sidewalk, and I walked around her, putting myself between her and the road. Her hands trembled as she fumbled with her mailbox keys, but I ignored her as I slid mine into the lock. I took my time turning it, prolonging our stilted time together while she struggled.

I should’ve helped her. I should’ve reached over, taken the keys from her, and unlocked the damn thing myself. But I could do nothing but watch as she tried and failed to get the key into the hole. It took her three tries before it slid home, and by the time the little metal door was open, I was done.

The envelopes felt like lead bricks in my hands as I turned toward her. People dated casually all the time. Just because I asked her out didn’t mean we’d have to be in a relationship, or get married, or…anything. It didn’t meananything.

We could go to the diner for a meal, or I could take her to The Taphouse for trivia night. We could have fun. I could be casual.

And if something bloomed from it, then so be it. But it felt weird, and the words felt clunky as they rolled around on my tongue.

Just ask her. Five words.

Wanna go out with me?

They tumbled around in my mouth, but every time I tried to set them free, they retreated back down my throat. I tried to cling to them, to that stupid question. But no matter how hard I tried, they wouldn’t stay. So, I searched for something else to say. Something to break the silence.

How was work?

What album are you listening to tonight?

What did you have for dinner? I had a cold hamburger. It was gross.

Anything would’ve been better than this awkward silence. The questions I could’ve asked were endless. Instead, the dumbest thing I could’ve said came out: “What’s in the box?”

She paused and blinked up at me. “What?”

I roughly cleared my throat. It took all I had not to sprint back to my place and hide under the covers like a fucking kid.What’s in the box? Who says that?

“I meant what’s in your mailbox?”

Her eyes slid to the metal box, then to the package in her hands, then met mine again. “My…mail?”

“Cool. Cool, cool, cool.” I rocked my back on my heels, wishing I could make myself disappear. “Cool.”

“Yeah,” she breathed, giving me a weird look. “Cool. What was in your box?”

“Mail.” I held up the stack of envelopes. “Probably bills. You know, because I have those.”

“Right.”

“Do you?”

“Do I, what?”

“Have bills?”

I needed someone to sedate me. Needed someone to shut me the fuck up. My god. Why was it so hard to just keep my mouth shut? To justnottalk? I’d just been begging myself to speak, and now I couldn’t stop the words from spilling out even if I tried. I could’ve shoved a cork in my mouth, and they’d still find a way to slip free.

Fucking Trinity was in my head. This was all her fault.

“Uh, yeah, Ronan. I have bills.” Willow threw her thumb over her shoulder, pointing at the house. “I need to get back.”

“Yeah. Of course.” I waved my hand in that general direction, as if I were dismissing her, and she smiled tightly, the dried mask on her face cracking with the movement. “I’ll see you around.”

“Yep. You will.” She gave me an awkward finger gun as she walked backward for a few steps.

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