Page 110 of Play Pretend

“Let me take care of you,” he grumbled, swatting my hand away. The cloth was warm as he cleaned me up, his eyes fixated on the spot between my legs. I could tell all the gears in his head were working, but I didn’t know what he was thinking. Was it good? Did he hate it? Was he regretting it?

He disappeared into the bathroom, and when he came out, he grabbed a pair of briefs from a drawer and another T-shirt. “Sit up,” he instructed, and I did. I let him drag the shirt on over my head, then watched as he flipped the light off and settled into bed beside me. “Come here.”

I slid my body against his and rested my head on his chest. His heart thundered beneath my ear, but quickly slowed to a normal pace. He dragged his fingers along my back in long, soothing motions.

“Thank you,” he finally said, his voice almost too loud in the quiet room.

“For what?”

He was quiet for a moment. “For trusting me,” he murmured. “For wanting to be with me.”

Tears burned the back of my nose as I nestled closer to him and pressed my lips against his chest. “Thank you for choosing me, too,” I whispered.

Neither of us spoke after that. His heartbeat thrummed steadily, gently lulling me to sleep.

willow

My day had been a whirlwind of taking and running orders, cleaning up, and catching up on recipe testing. I was exhausted, and still a little sore from last night. Ronan had been…attentive. All day, he’d called or texted to make sure I was alright. And it had been nice—it was different from anything I was used to.

He was unlike any man I’d ever met before. Unlike any man I’d ever slept with.

I’d been in such an amazing mood all day because of him, riding a high I’d never felt before. I told Gracieeverything, and she was ecstatic that Ronan and I were finally officially together.

But then…

Then I got a call from my dad, and I couldn’t shake this feeling that my happiness was fleeting. That despite this new way of life with Ronan, it was temporary. The blaring reminder that even if Ronan was seeminglydifferent, he could leave. He could turn out to be just like everyone else.

My family was coming to visit in just a few days, and I stupidly never thought this day would come. When everything started three weeks ago, this day felt so far away. But now we were here. Just a few more nights, and they’d behere, in mytown, with my friends, in my home, and at my job. I’d have to put on a mask, force a smile, pretend like their jabs and words didn’t bother me.

And then I’d disappear for a week while I recovered.

I wished I wasn’t like this. I wished I could let their comments roll off my back, but I couldn’t. They sank deep and reopened wounds I thought had closed long ago.

Reaching up, I let my hair out of my claw clip and shook the wavy strands out. My fingers dug into my scalp as I massaged it, groaning at the sensation. I still hadn’t found my favorite one, but I was sure it was hiding under my bed or in a random basket under my bathroom sink.

A sigh left me. Now that Ronan and I were together—really together—everything felt up in the air. It felt uncertain. New things were scary. We were still trying to figure out exactly what this new relationship looked like for us. I knew I needed to go home soon, but I wasn’t ready yet.

Ronan was quickly becoming my safe place, and that was terrifying. Because putting that amount of trust in someone wasterrifying.But more than that, I was comfortable at his house. We were figuring out routines, and how to work around, and with, each other. Even if it had only been a few days, and less than twenty-four hours since we became official, it feltright. Being with him, being in his house, being together feltright.

The sand gave way with each step up the steep hill toward the lighthouse. Instead of parking on the hill like I usually did, I parked at the beach and stupidly decided to climb it. For no reason other than I was too lost in my thoughts to notice or care.

The lighthouse towered over me as I approached. Jagged rocks climbed up the edge, stopping only a few feet from its base. The wooden steps leading to the door were rotted with salty, humid air, and the door itself was hanging on by its hinges.Seaweed and trash were plastered to the white siding, and broken wood from abandoned projects was stacked to the side.

What would it have been like seeing her in her glory? When her light was bright and still worked? When she was still a beacon calling sailors home?

Slowly, I made my way toward it, making sure to avoid planks of wood with nails in it or slick seaweed. I’d fallen one too many times and had learned my lesson. Despite it being a clear summer day, every gust of wind brought an icy chill with it. I tugged my cardigan tighter around myself as I continued my trek.

When I finally got to it, I pressed my hand against the cool, slick wall. My eyes fluttered shut, and a deep, cleansing breath filled my lungs.

Home.

Safety.

I let the feel of the chipped paint, the smell of the salty air, ground me. It settled deep in my soul, and anchored me to this moment, to this patch of earth. My hair whipped around my face, and goosebumps rippled along my arms, but I stayed put. I focused on my breathing, and soon all the heavy feelings from today washed away.

Thoughts and worries of my father’s impending trip blew away with the wind as if they’d never existed.

Meow.

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