Page 74 of Start Your Engines

Sadness creeps up my body, and I suck my lower lip into my mouth.

“And it wasn’t your fault, Sen. It was the best and worst time of my life. Signed to a team but at a cost at the age of eighteen. For the first time in my life, I had money and attention, and I didn’t have anyone telling me to behave. I sent money to Dad to keep him from the family and to Mum to start a fund for Layla’s future. But there was so much.”

“And you had Niki, who was signed and eighteen and trouble.”

Connor’s lips quirk. “We thought we were the shit. We swaggered around nightclubs and said the most stupid thingsin interviews. Groupies laughed at everything we said and entertained us.”

My jaw hardens. The wait staff bring our pasta, and I tuck in like I’m totally fine. Connor never lets go of my hand.

“Senna, I spiralled, baby. I knew I didn’t want to be my dad and cheat like he did all the time, so I avoided relationships. I was always upfront about it, but…”

I look at him when he doesn’t finish his sentence.

“Does my past freak you out?” he says, winding me.

“I know you have a past, and I have no right to have an issue with it.” I run my finger against my gin glass, and condensation wets my skin. “It’s not like I don’t have one.”

“Including with Mr Giant Muscles and Ego Vet,” Connor says. “I’m surprised you didn’t go to him.”

“I wouldn’t, I couldn’t. I considered visiting him just to get away from work?—”

“And me?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes, because of the boss thing. But ultimately, I didn’t want him, and I didn’t want him to think I did. I just wanted you.”

He grips my hand and hooks my stare. “Good. Because I’ve never been so fucking jealous in my entire life.” He strokes my skin with his thumb. “And when it comes to those models or exes or anyone else, you have nothing to be jealous of because the day I saw you at Ralf’s wedding, every woman that had been in my life faded away like sunshine when a storm comes.”

“I’m the storm?”

“You’re the fucking cyclone that I can’t stop chasing. At Ralf’s wedding, your presence dragged me under your spell, and I never wanted to be anywhere else. You were it for me. I never slept with another woman after that day.”

“Oh.” Cold air crosses my arms, yet his hand burns my skin.

“You’re it for me. You have written over every memory until they’ve become days when I saw you and days when I didn’t.After that wedding, my heart told me I didn’t want any more Senna-free days even though my head said that’s exactly what I’d be having. Then you walked into the board room and changed everything.”

“That day was… memorable.” I smile as I look down at the empty table. I’ve no idea when our plates were taken. I take a breath and utter words that I know will lead to questions, but they slip out of my mouth anyway because I need to let him in. “I wish you’d stayed for the wedding reception.”

My heart swirls with emotions I’m scared to share.

“Did something happen?” I look into his blue eyes, which are infused with concern.

I press my fingers against my mouth, and he squeezes my other hand. “Baby, who hurt you?”

“I’d never felt more alone as I did at the wedding. Niki was distracted by women vying for his attention, and Dad tried to set me up with the son of one of his former business partners. I tried to tell Dad I wasn’t interested in his traditional dreams for me because I wanted to run the team. That night, I overheard him telling Mum that the team would never be mine but that it would be Niki’s one day. I always suspected it, but he talked about me like I was a silly girl.”

“Oh, Coults. I’m sorry about your dad. He doesn’t deserve to have a daughter like you. I’m proud just to be able to call you a friend. You’re incredible.”

I smile because I know to him that’s true. “I realised something else that day. Stood at the side of the marquee, looking at all the people, I realised that if I wanted to be a team boss, then it would be the loneliest thing in the world because I would always have to fight Dad. Niki would support me, but he’s always been about his dreams with his charmed life.” Sadness wells in my heart. “At least he was until the accident.”

“It will be interesting to see who he is when he returns.”

“If he returns.”

“Take my other hand, Sen,” Connor says, gripping both tightly. “I know you think you have to do this alone and that you have no one on your side, but you have Jacs, the whole team and you have me. I will always support you. I’m here for you in whatever capacity you want.”

“Thank you,” I say, and he holds my hands to his mouth and kisses them.

He didn’t push me to talk more or agree that I would always come to him when I felt lonely. He’s planted a seed in my head so I can think about it and ask questions later. Connor Dane is everything, but I don’t know what to say now.

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