Page 47 of Start Your Engines

I make my way to the snug beside the kitchen.

“What are you doing here?” she asks as I walk over and kiss her forehead. “Oh, none of that. I want a proper hug.”

She grabs me tightly like she senses something isn’t right.

Mums always know.

“I wanted to say hello, and I haven’t visited recently.”

She raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say more. “Have you eaten?”

I dismiss the question with a wave of my hand as I stare at the photos lining the fireplace. One of Niki and Uncle Ralf, laughing, sits beside a selfie from my graduation. Mum is beaming as she holds my hand, and I’m waving my certificate. I love that photo of me and Mum, but it reminds me that Dad didn’t attend because he was in Austria watching Niki race.

“Let me get you a tiny bowl of pasta,” she replies with a smile. “And before you say no, I’ve got leftovers because I made enough for two, but I forgot your dad was out tonight. Come with me.”

I follow her into the kitchen and perch on one of the bar seats as she prepares me a dish of ravioli, my second dinner and exactly what I need after Connor’s revelations.

“It’s spinach and feta. I’ve been trying to reduce his meat intake since the heart attack. No doubt he’ll eat steak with Jean tonight, the silly man.”

She pops it in front of me, and my mouth waters instantly. “Jean? Antoine’s dad?”

“Yes, he’s in town. I’m not keen on him, but I can’t control who your dad sees. As long as I don’t have to see him.”

I drop a piece of ravioli into my mouth as she busies herself around the kitchen. The creamy feta bursts on my tongue.

“Why don’t you like him?”

“He always liked to get his own way and didn’t care who he hurt to do so,” she says, making herself a tea. “I remember the dads around the track when you were a teenager. Connor’s dad was just as bad, although he tended to spend his time chatting up the mums.”

I raise my eyebrows.

“Not me. I was always very clear. He didn’t care enough for his son, who deserved more. Jean, on the other hand, was an arrogant arse, and Antoine was just as bad.”

I sit back in my seat. Mum must have been drinking because her tongue is looser than normal.

I think to what Connor said about the boys bullying me before the accident. Antoine was one of those. “Mum, do you remember my accident?”

She looks up from the kettle. “Every day of my life.”

“I heard something about it, and although I believe it, I’m struggling to process it. I’ve spent my life thinking one thing, but what if I was wrong?” I rub my scar until she clocks the action.

She joins me at the counter, sitting at the table with a sigh. “Do you want to tell me what it is?”

“Do you promise not to get angry or take sides?”

Her crow’s feet disappear as her eyes soften. “Senna, the only side I’ll ever take is the one involving this family. You are my girl, and your mind is full. You’ve rubbed your scar too many times since arriving. Tell me what’s happening in that head of yours.”

My dad taught me to be strong and that relying on others shows weakness. I grip my fork tightly instead of taking her hand.

“Connor told me he tried to look after me because boys were bullying me, but then he accidentally hurt me.” I chase the last bit of pasta around my bowl with my fork, but I can’t avoid my mum’s raised eyebrows as she waits for me to say what I’m struggling with. “I’ve hated him for years, and I shouldn’t have. He was doing something good, and I banished him from my life. I don’t know how to be around him or how to apologise for ostracising him from our family.”

She cups my face. “Sweetheart, that wasn’t just you; your dad and I are to blame for that, too. Niki was the only one on his side. Connor was a good kid, albeit headstrong at times, but then you have to be if you want to be a racing winner, especially when you’re not brought up in the industry or with money like you and Niki were. Trusting him in both your heart and your head will take time.”

I sigh and rest my head in her palm. “I don’t know how I do that.”

“My girl doesn’t know how to let her best friend back into her life?”

I shrug. Maybe I don’t know how to do it without falling in love with him again.

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