Page 75 of Start Your Engines

And then he whispers, “And because one of my skills will always be to lighten the mood. I also need you to know that my best friend became my own hands after that wedding.”

“So that’s why you have such impressive forearms,” I reply, leaning back to gaze at them.

“I knew you were staring at them.” He flexes them and winks. “I’ve got the strongest forearms, and it’s all because of you.”

I throw my head back and laugh.

His face softens. “You’re the one woman I desire, and everyone else fades into fiction. You were the first girl I wanted to kiss and the only one I want to kiss. If nothing else happens between us, at least I have the memory of your lips against mine and the touch of your skin.”

He finds it so easy to share what’s in his heart, yet every word is a struggle for me. I focus on the dried splash of pasta sauce on the tablecloth, rubbing my scar.

Out of the corner of my eye, I witness his smile drop.

“Sen, I hate seeing you do that. My heart hurts every time because I caused it. I’m so sorry I caused you pain and destroyed your future. You should be the one on the podiums, not Niki or me. I should have given up racing that day.”

I shake my head as I rush to his side of the table, nearly knocking our glasses. I hold his head between my hands. His closed eyes and trembles stab my chest. “Never think like that.” I sit on his lap. “I wanted to be a driver. I loved it, and although I’ll never be that person, I know I can do other things. I partly raced to impress Dad like Niki did. I loved the adrenaline, too, although being the boss gives me plenty of that. But I wanted to win for him. When they said I should rethink racing, I had the opportunity to think differently. I miss it, but I still have a future and can help women, too.”

“Like funding Margot, the girl who came for the meet and greet several months ago.”

“Yeah, something like that. Although you weren’t meant to hear that.” I poke him in the belly. Fuck, he’s pure muscle.

“And you don’t miss being a racing driver?” His face creases as if he’s hurting, and my chest tightens.

I brush his lips with mine and run my fingers through his hair. “I love driving like a speed demon where it’s safe, and I’ll always miss professionally racing on the track, fighting for a win. But I don’t miss the lectures from my dad or the bullying. Racing will always be my life, but I like running a team and helping others reach their potential.”

“And you’re amazing at that. You’ve revolutionised the team. I wish your dad could see that.” He gifts me forehead kisses. “You’re better than he was.”

I take a slow breath as Connor hands me my drink, giving me a moment. “I love my dad, but his influence is one of the reasons Niki left the country. If he were still here, he’d be racing even if he wasn’t ready for it because Dad would pressure him.”

Connor stares at me. “Your dad’s opinions are hard to get away from. I overheard him tell you he wanted you to start a family and not be the boss.”

“Did you hear my response?” I bite the inside of my mouth.

Connor and I haven’t defined us, but I can’t lose him again. But if he wants kids, I have to stop this.

“Yes.”

“And what does your future look like?”

.

CHAPTER 37

Connor

What a loaded question.I briefly trace the patterns on the blue gingham tablecloth. Until last week, I didn’t think I’d drive again—and now, the future.

“Senna.” I brush kisses to her scar. “I don’t know what the next year or years hold, but since I lost you at eighteen, I’ve tried everything to move on.” I hold her hand against my heart. “This beats because you’re in the world. I would rather die alone than have a future without you. At the wedding, it was like I’d found the only person who completed me. The only person who’d ever complete me. It was a journey to get here. But I’m here now. I don’t make sense without you, and I never want to let you go. If you said we needed to move to the jungle in Congo and open a soy latte coffee shop, I’d do it. If you told me we would have twenty kids, even though I don’t want any, I’d do it. You’re it for me. You’re everything.”

She ducks her head, and my stomach eats itself from inside out.

I’ve fucked up. I needed to build up to that. And it’s like I’ve forgotten the added complications of her brother and that she’s my boss and her relationship with me could mess up her career. And yet, there was no chance I could hold it in.

When she looks back up, she’s rolling her lips together. They’re wet from where she’s swiped them with her tongue.

“Take me home,” she demands. “Take me to your home and prove that everything you said isn’t just words. Take me to bed, Connor.”

I swallow so loudly I swear the waitress furrows her brow. “Yes, boss.”

---