Page 55 of Knot So Broken

Her cries and pleads still ring in my ears. When she died, her torment just got transferred to me.

I shiver as the memories assault me but I refuse to let myself break again even though it threatens me. It feels like my trauma looms over me like a dark rain cloud, one that I am never able to escape.

Instead of breaking, I acknowledge it and I push it away vowing to both myself and my mother that we will get our revenge.

That’s the only thing that I am beginning to think will make me feel safe. For my father to get what he has done to me twice over.

The thought of killing or even hurting a person makes me physically sick but what other option do I have?

He isn’t ever going to stop. That's one thing that has been made clear. He can’t handle not having control over a woman and their body. To him it is unthinkable.

But that's how it is for small, misogynistic men like him. He can’t handle the possibility of a woman having control over her life. Of determining what she is to do with her body.

He is weak.

I refuse to bow. I refuse to stay quiet.

I want to fight back. I want control over my body. To do with it what I choose.

Fuck him.

Chapter Nineteen

Iwatch Kennedy like a hawk during the entire doctor's visit. It’s impossible for her to not be in my thoughts but something is different as she walks out of the x-ray room.

I can see a fire has been lit inside of her. It shines brightly through her eyes and it only fuels me with excitement.

I can’t help but also feel her emotions through the bond. While there is some part of her that still seems to be scared, another part of her is determined.

I feel proud of her.

I want my Omega to take control of her life. I want her to make her demands of us. To tell us how she wants things versus just listening and obeying like it is clear she has done all of her life. I want to give her a safe space where she is able to advocate for herself. Just like her, and any Omega, should be able to do.

It has always infuriated me whenever the guys and I have gone to events to show a professional front for the Syndicate. Overhearing just how fucking sick some of our fellow designation are is truly baffling. It has made me despise what I am. Maybe that's why finding my Omega wasn’t important to me, until we found Kennedy.

I didn’t want to put pressure on a designation that is already under so much stress.

The need to be prim, proper and perfect in order to appease their Alphas. To be the ones that stay at home, keep a house and provide babies.

I don’t want that. I want a partner.

I want someone that wants to stand beside me. An equal. Someone that will challenge me to be the best I can be. Someone that I am able to have a deep-rooted connection with.

I want all of that with Kennedy.

I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life to be honest.

I look at my Omega in an entirely different light to how I did only ten minutes ago. While it is still with the same adoration and affection that seems to be growing by the second, there's something new there now.

Admiration. Not only for her because she is the one that is destined for me, but because she is so incredibly strong.

Pain laced my entire being during her explanations to us about just how bad her father’s abuse was. I’ve never been so undecided on whether to storm her old house and find that motherfucker or hold her until I am able to some how take all of her pain away.

I wish that I possessed the kind of fight that she does. The ability to get back up again and continue to soldier on. I see it in her rightnow as her eyes blaze. She looks around the room, almost like she has a different outlook on the world now.

It's exciting. I already am looking forward to standing beside her in the fight to give her her life back.

Ledger and Theo must be able to sense the change in her as well as they both look over to me for some kind of confirmation or assurance that we are all witnessing the same thing. I give them a small nod of my head.

---