Page 58 of Peep

Practically crawling to the deep armchair, I snatch my phone off the arm to see it’s my mum calling. Do I even want to speak to her right now? I already dodged her call this morning; I probably should.

“Jay, it’s me. Please don’t hang up.”

What the actual fuck?

I fling my phone across the room in a panic. My chest heaves, and the space behind my nose stings, preparing for a downfall of pent-up tears.

I’ve finally lost it. I’ve gone fucking mad; that’s the only explanation for how his voice is now haunting me.

Chapter 26

Anders

2 Days Earlier

“Please, Anders, open up; we’re worried!” Cameron shouts through the front door.

“I swear to god, if you’ve offed yourself and I have to deal with that trauma, I’ll be really pissed off,” Sage complains.

I roll my eyes; I wouldn’t expect any less than heartfelt concern from them.

More aggressive knocks and rings of the doorbell continue, creating a tsunami of chaos in my pounding head.

“Fuck this shit. Cam, kick the door in.”

“I can’t kick his fucking door in,” Cameron whisper-shouts.

“Fine, then I will.”

I scream into a scatter cushion before flinging it across the room and stampeding towards the door. Swinging it open, Sage runs forward, taking me in a rugby tackle.

“Oh my god, you stink!” they squeal, untangling their limbs from mine.

I lift my arm to take a whiff of my pit; ok, maybe I smell a little ripe.

When did I last shower? Was it two or three days ago?Not that it matters.

Cameron and Sage barge past me. An inkling of shame heats my cheeks as I take in the state of my apartment. Takeaway containers litter the counter tops, and my dishes are piled precariously high. I’ve somehow managed to drag myself to work over the past two weeks. When I’m not working, I’m either wallowing or fucking seething at Jahmar.

It feels like I’m grieving the loss of two of the most important people in my life. I hate my brother for what he did to Jahmar, but that doesn’t stop the bone-deep pain that has left me incapacitated. It’s like I can’t put one foot in front of the other, sinking in quicksand, almost running out of air.

The way I behaved in those last moments with Jahmar haunt me. My whole world has turned on its axis, facing away from the sun and blanketed by darkness.

Half of what happened that night is a blur, but I know I fucked up by trying to protect Chris. Lord knows he deserves to suffer, yet in that moment, the familiar bond we shared tookover. I didn’t even consider what Jahmar had gone through. I’m ashamed of my actions, but I’m also fucking mad. The fucker drugged me and is now dodging my calls. It’s like slow torture, not knowing where he is or if he’s ok.

Cameron flops onto the sofa and plops his feet on the coffee table while Sage starts chucking containers into a bin bag. I silently watch, waiting for them to scrutinise me and demand I tell them whatreallyhappened between Jahmar and me.

“Go shower, no arguments,” Sage commands, shoving me towards the bathroom. I huff before following their orders.

By the time I return, my main living area resembles some kind of order. Sage is washing dishes while Cameron dries. I quietly observe them for a moment, the way they float around the kitchen in perfect harmony. When Sage passes Cameron a pan, he leans in for a chaste kiss, and it’s the sweetest damn thing I’ve ever seen. Hot envy bubbles in my chest. I want that…Ihadthat.

I keep running over what happened in my head. Coming up with ways it could’ve gone differently. I had no idea regret could be so fucking suffocating. Every ignored text and call by Jahmar feels like having my head held underwater for three minutes, just short of enough time to kill me before I’m dragged back up, only to have it repeat the process again and again.

Sage spots my presence and nudges Cameron away.

“No, please, continue.” I drop onto the sofa, releasing a long sigh.

Closing my eyes, I hear them whisper behind me. I’m about to tell them to get the fuck out of my house when Cameron sits next to me and pulls me against his chest. I squirm in his tight grasp but eventually surrender and melt into the hug. Sage sits on my other side and lifts my feet until they’re on their lap. I fully relax until I’m spread across both of them, and then I break. A deafening sob escapes me. I’m ugly-crying for all I’ve lost and all I could’ve had.

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