Page 13 of Chill

You have to do this, I add in a soft, silent whisper while I walk back toward the bed that takes up most of the back end of the RV.

I don’t sit back down, because that could get me into trouble real quick. By this point, I have to assume they know how to distract me better than any shiny object or catchy song ever could, so it’s much safer for me to lean against the doorframe and just study the two of them.

They’re so different, I think to myself as Val rolls around the bed with a few broken groans of frustration at having to get up. He’s the loud, boisterous one. With golden, sun-kissed skin and permanently tousled hair. While Kieran is the calmer one. The nocturnal professional with an inner quiet that makes the world fade away whenever he grabs me and pins me under him.

They’re both so perfect, so different, I think it’s what adds to their appeal.

That, or I just have problematic taste for murderous men in masks and now I’m looking for any kind of justification to not seem so desperately pathetic.

“I don’t want to go home.” I keep the words level, hoping not to start a fight. Kieran is the difficult one, and definitely the one who’s harder to convince, so I stare him down with what I hope isn’t some creepy, too awkward glare.

Judging by Val giving me a subtle nod, I have to assume I’m doing the right thing.

At last, Kieran sighs and drags his gaze up to mine. His expression makes him impossible to read, and when he narrows his eyes at me with that shrewd, thoughtful look, it definitely doesn’t help. “So you want to stay…” It isn’t a question, but I suspect he’s just revving up. “You want to stay with us in an RV while we take care of stupid shit that definitely involves murder. Or do you think the murder will stop because you’re here?”

The question, and more importantly, the way he dives right to the heart of the issue, catches me off guard. I have to remind myself that it’s his intention to throw me off balance, so I take my time before answering him, and I refuse to let him see more than the flicker of surprise I couldn’t hide when he asked.

“I can’t change you. I know that. And I certainly wouldn’t have come all the way here if that was my intention.” With a frown, I try to convey that I’m completely serious about this. “Last night, I told myself that if I couldn’t follow Val, if I couldn’t stand there and watch what the two of you did to that man, there was no point in me being here and I might as well go home.” I suck in a breath, trying to find more ways to convince him I’m serious. “I told myself?—”

“So you’ve convinced yourself you can stand behind Val and be our cheerleader? That you can root for us when we wear our masks and hand out punishments to anyone we deem deserves it?” I remind myself he’s doing this for a reason, so if I show him a reaction other than calm rationality and poise during this conversation, he’ll be winning the argument. “But what happenswhen that isn’t all it is, huh? What happens when the guy gets away from us and runs toward you, begging you for help?”

He sets his phone down, grabbing Val before the latter can get up. Dragging him back down to the bed while ignoring his yelp of protest. “Tell me, Noa,” Kieran prompts. “What happens when Val here says your name, yourrealname, and suddenly you have a guy telling you all the reasons you should spare him while he bleeds out on your shoes? What happens when?—”

“I don’t know.” I don’t mean to cut him off, exactly. But his words make me nervous and uncertain. I bite my lip and link my hands behind my back, scuffing my foot on the faux wood laminate under me. “I can’t answer that part, but you know that, or you wouldn’t ask.” My tone is sullen, and Kieran’s mouth quirks into something like a smirk of almost approval.

“You’re asking me hypotheticals about situations I’ve never been in. And you want me to say something stupid so you can jump on it,” I work out, speaking into the open air to get my thoughts out there. It’s a little easier this way. Especially since Val is great at giving me tiny visual cues, like a smile or a frown, to keep me on the right track.

I guess I can always be grateful that he, at least, is on my side.

“You think I’ll promise you the moon when I can’t even guarantee the stars. But I won’t. I’m not that stupid,” I say reprovingly, still keeping my fingers clasped behind my back as I puzzle through my thoughts and words. “All I can say is that I want to try. I don’t want to be left at home like the wife whose husband goes to the store for milk and may or may not return home. I don’t want to only accept you when you can be who I’m comfortable with, rather than who you really are.” My confidence leaves me, and I gaze at both of them with more nervousness than I’d like to admit.

“Unless you don’t want that.” I can’t help admitting that part. “It’s not like I force you to want that. I don’t want to force you todo anything, actually. But if that’s the case, I really need you to tell me now, before?—”

A heavy knock on the RV door cuts me off and sends me levitating almost to the ceiling. Val groans and buries his face in his pillow, but Kieran rolls to his feet like he’s not surprised.

“Are you expecting someone?” I can’t help but ask, a touch of nerves in my voice as he gives me a rueful smile.

“Yeah. I just thought he’d be a bit later.” As I watch, he pulls on the same t-shirt from last night, which is now creased and wrinkled, before he moves to stand in front of me and stares down at me with that look again. “You need to move for me, pretty girl.” Kieran chuckles quietly, then reaches out to tuck my hair behind my ear, which I realize really needs to be brushed, I’m sure. Not that he seems to mind. Especially judging by how he cups my cheek sweetly and trails his thumb over my lower lip.

“You are going to make today so complicated, aren’t you?” he muses, not seeming very put out by it. Another knock sounds, and he rolls his eyes, only to forcibly but gently move me to the side. He moves past me easily, and in seconds his boots are on before he opens the door to greet whoever is there.

“Sam,” I hear him sigh, just as Val wraps his arms around me. “You’re early.” Whatever else he says is lost when he closes the door witha lookback in my direction, and when I’m spun around to face Val, my attention falters.

“Hi there, princess,” he murmurs, bumping his nose against mine. “Did you sleep well? It’s surprisingly cozy in here, right?”

My fingers trail along his bare upper body, stopping at the hem of his jeans that are still unbuttoned. “Do you live in an RV?” I ask, more curious than judging. After all, who am I to judge? I think it’s pretty cool if they do.

“Sometimes,” Val admits after a few moments of thought. “It depends on where we’re going. We usually bring it to a new destination first, and we’ve used it to, uh…store things.” Heskirts around what he really means, but I don’t exactly need him to elaborate. “But Kieran and I also have a place other than the one we brought you to. Not that it feels like we’re there much.”

Gently but with insistence, he pulls me back to the bed where he can sit. Then, surprising me, he drags me down onto his lap until I’m straddling his thighs and pressed against his warmth.

When he kisses me, his mouth sweet against mine, it dawns on meexactlywhat he’s doing. “I thought you were on my side,” I murmur accusingly against his mouth. “You acted like it this morning. Until now, anyway.”

He chuckles, and when he pulls back with a mischievous smile, I’m a bit relieved to realize he’s not going to lie to me or deny it. “Yeah,” Val agrees, his hands stroking up my back under my shirt. “Yeah, Noa. I’m distracting you while Kieran deals with Sam.”

“Why? Does he not like me?” something goes through me, like unease, but Val is quick to kiss me breathless until the feeling goes away again.

“Babe, I think you amuse the hell out of him. But Kieran wants you to stay out of it, remember? He wants to protect you, to not put you in a bad position.” He’s not really keeping me trapped by anything other than his words and his touch, but I feel almost riveted in place all the same.

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