Page 1 of The Stud

Chapter 1

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It turns out if you drunkenly bang one identical twinthinkingshe’s the other, the other – who youactuallywanted to bang because you might secretly be in love with her – is way less likely toeverbang you.

Arden Hoss defiantly folds her honey, brown sugar skinned arms across her Dalvegan Dragons business polo at the same time she viciously bites, “I’d rather shave my cooch with a dull skate blade than pose for a pic with you, Snowman.”

Or in my case…ever even bloodylikeyou.

You know.

As a living, breathing, being of the human race.

I do my best to laugh off the hurt and lean back in my signing table chair. “That’s a bit harsh, aye?”

“Butrealunlike your fake Theo James accent.”

“It’s notfake. And I’m notEnglish. We’ve been over this at least a hundred times.”

“And you’re about to make it a hundred and one.”

“I’mDoctenn.”

“Clapper, slap-shot shit.”

There’s no stopping the bright beam that overwhelms my tan face practically every time I talk to her. “No, gorgeous-”

“Gross.”

“-they are not one in the same.”

“Yet having to talk to you andthinkingabout having to talk to you manage to conjure the same throw up in your practice bucket sensation.”

“My practice bucket thatyoudrew a dick on?”

She poorly pushes away her smirk before redirecting her attention to Nate Khurana, the footage expert who’s her second in command whenever she’s got our crest on her chest. “Let’s move on. I think I wanna do a live streaming of the season ticket holders coming through the west entrance doors for autograph night – that’ll handle our main soc’ feed while simultaneously reminding fans of why they should purchase their own season ticket packages, which I overheard Callie complaining about how they saw a small dip in renewals after the Becks scandal and Zhilkin having to be placed on LITR.”

Lemieuxhavemercyonmysoul…I love to watch her work.

Everything is so fuckingflawless.

Bloodyeffortless.

It’s how I imagine people felt watching the GOAT in his prime, except he worked the rink.

She works in public relations.

“We’ll make sure we drop a link for them,” Hoss continues, unaware of my admiring, “people don’t like having to work too hard for what they want-”

“Some of us quite enjoy that.”

A gagging motion is made at me with her middle finger prior to her preceding, “After that, we’ll grab a few candid shots to use for collage style season opener graphics to counter their roster photos – fans feel a more personal connection to the boys when they can view both.”

I casually lean my forearms forward to rest on top of the black tablecloth. “Why is that?”

“It has something to do with what we call the dating profile method,” Hoss sweetly informs as she removes the lid to her sharpie. “I went to a semi on cross creative techniques,” the tip is placed against the side of my reusable 3P water bottle, “which highlighted the mindset similarities of going from being a potential fan to a die-hard,” one curve flows into another, “and going from a casual dating site snipe,” she begins a long, more cylindrical like path, “to engaged,” her drawing connects, “married,” a straight line is drawn coming out of the tip, “and starting a three league franchise,” two more marks are made near that one, “she never knew she wanted.”

Hoss proudly admires her handiwork, an action that leads to me shaking my head. “Is there a reasonthis dickis blowing its load?”

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