Page 1 of When You Give a Lawyer a Kiss

When you give a lawyer a kiss, he might not be able to stop thinking about you. And when he finds out you work together, he’ll find any excuse to spend more time together. He’ll buy you dinner every night and ask you to spend one steamy weekend at his brownstone, but one weekend could never be enough, and now he’s determined to find a way to keep you forever…

“You would look prettier if you put more effort into your appearance. My mother thinks every woman should wear a dress, especially on a first date,” Kevin says with a smug smile. “At least you’re predictable, that’s something I appreciate,” he adds, his tone condescending.

My fingers tighten around the menu as I take a deep breath. “I’ll keep your suggestion in mind,” I say.

He taps his teeth together while checking his phone. “Good. Like Mother always says, a little effort goes a long way,” he states, oblivious to my frustration.

He’s such an asshole.

This has quickly become the worst date I’ve ever been on.

I set my menu down and take a sip of my water, glancing around as I weigh my chances of slipping out of the restaurant unnoticed. As if he can read my mind, Kevin squeezes my knee under the table.

With a resigned sigh, I lean back in my chair. When he first messaged me, he was charming and witty. After a month of video chats and texts, he asked me out to dinner at Tuscany Table, an Italian spot in Brooklyn. I was excited to see if our connection would be as strong in person. Spoiler alert: It isn’t.

First, he dragged me to a pet store to buy crickets for his lizard—a pet he conveniently forgot to mention. He’s been on hisphone nonstop, likely searching for a woman who will wear a dress on a date. And he won’t stop complaining about the menu prices, even though he chose the restaurant.

I can’t believe I let Noah talk me into signing up for a dating app, let alone agree to meet someone I barely know.

The server approaches, a friendly smile on his face. “What can I get you two?”

I open my mouth to speak, but Kevin beats me to it. “I’ll have the lasagna, and she’ll take the eggplant parmesan,” he says.

How would you know what I want? You haven’t asked.

To keep myself from saying something I’ll regret, I take another sip of water. While I would have preferred red wine, Kevin dismissed the waiter when he asked for our drink order. It’s obvious Kevin is aiming to spend as little as possible since he ordered the two cheapest items on the menu.

I wish I had the courage to get up and leave. I want to tell him he’s a condescending, arrogant asshole, and I’d rather be at home eating ice cream in my pajamas, watching reruns ofLove Island, but my fear of confrontation keeps me glued to my seat to avoid causing a scene. Resigned, I hold back my sigh and slide my dinner fork farther away. I don’t trust myself not to use it if Kevin puts his hand on my knee one more time; aversion to confrontation be damned.

I glance up to see the server jotting down our order. “Is there anything else I can get you?”

“That will be all,” Kevin says tersely.

“Excellent; I’ll be out with your food shortly.” The waiter pockets his notepad and heads back to the kitchen.

I wish he’d taken me with him.

“You’re going to love the eggplant parmesan,” Kevin says, which prompts me to turn back to him. “It’s my mother’s favorite.”

I plaster on a fake smile. “I’m sure I will.”

It might just be me, but I find it odd that he keeps bringing up his mom. My mom passed away when I was a toddler, and while I’m close to my grandma, I would never bring her up on a first date unless it was relevant to the conversation.

When Kevin’s phone chimes, he picks it up, smiling while reading the message on the screen.

“My mom wants to meet you,” he says enthusiastically.

I sputter, water spraying from my mouth. “Why? This is our first date.”

Besides my best friend Noah, I’ve never brought a man to meet my grandma. If I were to introduce her to someone else, we’d have spent far more time together or were serious enough to warrant her approval. So, I’m struggling to understand Kevin’s logic.

“We’ve been talking for weeks,” he reminds me. “She wants to meet the woman who’s captured my heart.”

My spine stiffens and I blink rapidly as his words sink in. “Hold on. Have you been sharing our conversations with your mom?”

He nods enthusiastically. “Of course. She’s especially grateful for the play-by-play since she couldn’t be here with us. We’ll have to bring her with us on our next date.”

Alarms blare in my head. We are definitely not on the same page.

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