Page 115 of The Good Boys Club

In the distance, I heard the front door open and snick shut. A moment later, the shower in Mash’s room switched on. That meant he probably just got laid too.

“You’re in love with him?” Jack said.

I was so startled by his question, I almost denied it. Almost. But what was the point? “Yes.”

“But he likes women.” That wasn’t a question.

I answered regardless. “Yes.”

“He loves you back, though, no? I hear him say it all the time. This morning, he called you the sunshine of his soul. I don’t know many straight dudes who say shit like that.”

“No, you’re right. He does love me . . . just not in the same way.”

Jack rocked himself forward, testing the hold my knot still had on him. Another fifteen minutes at least. “Are you entirely sure about that? Because I’ve seen the way he watches you.”

“The way he . . .” But I couldn’t quite finish my sentence. Wasn’t even sure what I wanted to say.

“You two ever fucked?”

“No.”

“Kissed?”

When I didn’t answer, Jack raised an eyebrow. His expression readcalled it.

“He’s moving back to the Mythic Realms soon. This is kind of our goodbye holiday.”

Mash had told me so many times that as soon as he’d finished his PhD, he’d have to go home permanently. Though he was always super vague about the reasons. Every time I asked whyhis family didn’t understand his life was his own, he would shrug and say, “Werewolf thing,” or “Pack is pack.”

“So, this is your goodbye vacation, and you’re spending it with me, while he’s up Laguna shagging all my waitresses?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Does he know how you feel about him?”

“Gods, no,” I said.

“No, fuck that. I’m not letting that happen. I’m not letting this be your goodbye.” Jack pushed himself onto his knees, yanking my knot from his ass and crying out with the pain of the stretch. He stumbled off the bed and threw a towel at me. “Wash my cum off your chest and go after him.”

“Jack—”

“You can’t let him leave without telling him how you feel.”

I opened my mouth to object. Closed it again. How many times had I tried and failed to do exactly that? Too many to count. I’d start to tell him, and bottle out. Never could find the courage I needed to go through with it. The risks were always too great.

But really, what did I have to lose? Mash was leaving. We’d be several hours apart from each other.

What would he do if I told him I loved him? Would he stay with me in Remy? Was I enough? Would he give everything up to . . . do what, hang out with me for another ten years? Could we ever be anything more? Or would he say sorry but you’re a dude and I know we kissed that one time, but it was a mistake, meeting you was a huge mistake, and I’ve wasted my life being your flatmate?

But I had to at least try. Didn’t I?

“Sure. I should—am gonna do that.” I jumped off the bed and hit the “water on” switch of my own shower.

When I stepped out of the shower, Jack had put boxers on and was eating biscuits straight from the packet on my bed. Ipretended I didn’t see the crumbs. With any luck, I’d be waking up in Mash’s bed anyway. Jack gave me a thumbs up.

Mash wasn’t in his room, but he’d left the patio doors open, so I knew he couldn’t be too far. I closed them behind me, because fucking mosquitoes.

I walked out to the beach and found him sitting on the floating pontoon, his feet dangling in the warm ocean, his eyes fixed on a tiny light in the distance. A fishing boat, perhaps. It looked as though it was drifting in a vacuum of blackness.

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