She laughs softly. “Like…ever.”
When I don’t respond right away, she goes on. “If you’re worried about getting turned on, I have tricks.”
I raise my brows. “Yeah?”
She runs a hand through her hair, getting the majority of thetousled mass out of her face. I see her better now—lit with the bluish glow from my window overlooking the city. I would have married her even if she weren’t so pretty, but she is. The kind of women older women envy—the kind that makes them lament their lost youth.
“We’re married, right?” she says.
I nod, figuring I already know what she’s going to say.
“And it’s really too risky to fuck around on each other. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to get through your first term without a scandal—maybe even a re-election. Also…” And she layers her next words with various levels of meaning. “I’mthirty.”
Message received.
She’s offering me exactly what I need to cement a career in politics. A family—a respectable life. She’s even gone so far as to prove I can have it. I’d truly be an idiot to say no, even if I don’t know where this is coming from, or if she’s planned it all along.
“You want kids?” I ask.
“Don’t you?”
I might have once told her I did. I thought I did. But my chest feels hollow as I realize I have the chance to paint a picture of a perfect life that I can hang on a wall and not have any explaining to do to anyone.
I flashback to the night in the Plaza. The feral, clawing need. The freedom. The way I’d wanted to kiss Silas so much then and so often since.
But that was one night. Forbidden. Secret. Illicit. It wasn’t real life. And it’s not like I’m faced with constant temptation outside my tablet.
“Don’t take the implant out yet,” I say, “but I’m willing to see how it goes.”
Her face lights up. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
She tackles me in a hug. I grunt, rolling her off me and moving to lie on my back while she snuggles into my side, herhand stroking my bare chest. “It’s the right thing to do Graham. We’re awesome together. It’s gonna be perfect.”
I can’t deny it. She’s right.
As I stare blankly at the ceiling, something vital inside me dies, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to bring it back to life.
It’s definitely dead,but it’s not forgotten. Seeing Silas in the lobby the following night rocks me back on my heels. I’m running out to grab—well—some lube from the convenience store across the street, and I’m so lost in my head it doesn’t even occur to me he might be here.
He looks—fuck.
Really good.
Better than any man on my tablet, better than the last time I saw him, better than anyone I can think of. His deep set, dark eyes bore into me like he knows exactly where I’m going and why and also what a clueless joke I am as a human being.
He’s everything good and everything horrible all at once. I underestimated how much I’ve been thinking about him. I guess the harder you try not to think about something—it still counts.
“Senator,” he murmurs, standing to walk me to the door.
“That’s not necessary,” I say, walking quicker.
“You no-showed Friday,” he says.
I ignore him, pressing the bar to open the door. He locks a hand around my wrist.
I make no attempt to shake it off.