Page 91 of The Liar's Reckoning

I’m blown away. Silas isn’t really one to admit defeat unless pressed, and telling me he loves me is the ultimate recognition that the chemistry I’ve always felt with him isn’t one-sided like he once made me believe it was.

When I don’t say anything, he rambles on. “So basically, what I’m saying is I’ll take what I can get. I don’t begrudge you trying to live your life, but if you get to the point where you don’t havetime for me, or you can’t justify trying to make it work anymore, I just need you to tell me. Don’t worry, I’ll probably see it coming.”

Something rips inside me. A fragile seam that holds the two halves of my life together frays in an acutely painful way. Silas is who I want. But Avery is the one I made promises to.

“What am I supposed to do?” I whisper.

“I’m genuinely not asking you for anything,” he says. “I just wanted you to know where I’m at. You seem confused about it. Just clarifying.”

I hate when he says he’s not asking for anything. Why not? Why wouldn’t he? Do I seem like I won’t move heaven and earth to give it to him? Am I not bleeding love for him from my pores like it feels like I am? “What if I want to give you everything anyway?”

“Don’t be stupid. You’ve got it all, Senator. Don’t make it complicated. Do what you need to do, and I’ll figure it out.”

My pulse races with instant anxiety. “You meanwe—we’llfigure it out.”

“You think you can juggle two people who constantly want your dick?”

Jesus. His saying that makes me want to hold onto his arm and tell him not to let me leave this apartment. Ever again. Because no—I’m not sure Icanjuggle that, not knowing that I want him more than I wantanything.

“Does sharing me make this easier for you?” I ask, my voice not as steady as I’d like it to be.

“Only because she’s a woman,” he says quietly.

“Does that make it not count?”

“You don’t want her,” he says. “Do you?”

I shake my head. “But she is my wife. I care about her.” The truth is, I do love her. But I’m in love with Silas. I’ve been in love with him since the first time I met him in the park. It’s whatmade his dismissals sting so much. What made me try to deny all these wild feelings.

He nods, not meeting my eyes.

“But not like this,” I add.

“Graham…” He reaches for me, and we meet in a crushing kiss.

Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God…

Please teach me how to have this man.

The word is unmistakable.

Pregnant.

It’s one of those pregnancy tests that leaves no room for misinterpretation. Christmas was the last time I had sex with Avery, which makes her far enough along that she’s had to have known about this awhile now. For at least as long as I was in Washington. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“I wanted to tell you in person,” she says.

We’re on the couch. She’s perched, legs crossed beneath her, facing me, a hopeful look on her un-made up face.

“We did it,” I say, my voice watered down and surprisingly weak. Didn’t I think I’d be happier? Relieved?

But my morning with Silas is still so fresh. His words living rent free in my mind.I love you—there it is.

The tear in me rips clean. I’m officially torn between what should make me happy and what actually would, which means I may never be. But then again, is anyone? I smile, doing what I’m supposed to do, which is hug her and tell her, “This is amazing.”

“I know! We did it! I’m so happy.”

I should let that stand because I don’t begrudge her any happiness. She’s gone above and beyond in thismarriage of convenience, which makes it that much harder to lie to her—to keep lying.

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