Page 62 of The Liar's Reckoning

It’s cheaper than therapy.

I also don’t believe God makes mistakes. Meaning—I’mnot a mistake. However, according to the church, my job as a gay man is to fight my unholy urges to live as the bible teaches. This is how I’ll prove to God that I’m grateful for all the other gifts he’s bestowed upon me—a wealthy family, a great education, an election win no one thought was possible.

But to that I say, what about poor Catholic gay kids? The ones who weren’t born into privilege? What do they owe God gratitude for?

If I think about it too hard, I’ll inevitably get a migraine, so I usually don’t.

I understand my assignment: make the Lawther family proud. Be a good example. Humble myself before God. I look up at the crucifix with a frown.How’m I doing, big guy?

No answer as usual.

“Come to lunch,” my mother tells me and Avery after mass. It’s not a question.

I nod, and we take our respective cars to my parent’s home where a huge spread is already prepared, and cousins are showing up left and right. My father wastes no time getting me alone in his study.

Once he’s poured his brandy, and I’ve declined one for myself, he sits back in the club chair and crosses his legs with a heavy sigh. “Avery told your mother the big news.”

I arch my brows at him. Paul Lawther is larger than life with a booming laugh and a glare that withers. He wields his wealth and influence like a benevolent lord until you cross him, which very few people are stupid enough to do. For me, he’s intimidating. I usually find myself guessing about what he really thinks about me. Like when he says he’s proud, I wonder—but could he be prouder? Is he asking me to do more? Be better?

He chuckles fondly, I think, at my expression. “No need to play coy with me, young man. I’ve been looking forward to grandchildren since you kids were out of diapers.”

Oh.Thatnews. I hadn’t noticed Avery speaking to my mother long enough to spill those beans. “Well, she’s thirty, so…”

“I’m all for it. The sooner you start, the more you can have. Weed out the bad eggs.”

He’s joking, so I laugh, and his eyes crinkle at the corners, showing their inherent warmth. As much as he prioritizes his business, he always says his family comes first, and until he kicked Theresa out, I believed that.

“I don’t want you to worry about a thing,” he goes on. “Any help you or my daughter-in-law need, all you have to do is ask.”

My father is a busy man. He has been my whole life, but ever since I told him I was thinking of running for office, he’s taken a special interest in me. Today he sounds downright giddy. Was this all it took? Grandkids? I know the man must suspect something’s “off” about me. Avery was literally the first person I ever brought home to meet them. While he wanted me to get my degree, he did sit me down a few times when I was in college to discuss family matters—as in—I should be looking to start a family, and what the hell was I doing with all my spare time?

My answers frustrated him. He and I both know I’m not socially awkward, and so my lack of a dating life stood out to the point where I occasionally made up girlfriends things weren’t working out well with. I’ll never forget the day he asked me whether I was attracted to women.

It’s possible I protested too much.“What? Are you being serious right now? What? Jesus, Dad.”

Not exactly a firm confirmation. He’s fine with Avery, but I know he’d have rather I met some well-bred co-ed from another important east coast family and not someone he’s never heard of from Iowa. If he knew I’d hired her…

I smile and nod, thank him, and tell him we’ve got time to think about all that.

“I’m incredibly proud of you,” he says. “And relieved, if I’m being honest.”

The brandy guarantees the honesty part. He doesn’t make me ask what he’s relieved about.

“Your mother and I thought you might be a homosexual for a while there.”

“Right,” I say evenly. “I remember that conversation.” I try not to move a muscle when I speak, afraid any motion would give away my intense, immediate discomfort, or worse—my raging homosexuality.

“I suppose it wouldn’t have been the end of the world,” he says to my surprise, “But it certainly would have tanked your political prospects.”

“All kinds of people are in government now, Dad.”

“Not the kind with our values.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“You kids… You’ll see when you have a few of your own. Even when you agree with each other, it feels like you’re arguing.” He waves a hand in the air and takes a sip of his drink. “I wanted to talk to you about taking a trip to DC together and meeting with a few people I feel like will be of help to you when you’re on the hill.”

Relieved to be changing the subject, I nod and let myself shift back in the chair. In this family, it’s always safer to talk about politics or religion.

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