Page 223 of The Liar's Reckoning

“I’m not planning a press release or anything, I just want to be with him whenever I can be.”

“How do you do that without making some kind of a statement? You’re a fucking senator.”

“There’s no need to remind me. It weighs heavily, I promise.”

“I—I don’t know what else to say.”

I lean back in my chair. We glance at each other briefly before he looks away.

The weight of the moment settles on me with a crushingsuddenness. I swallow hard as I consider his reaction and wonder what he’s thinking now. Is he angry? Disgusted? Sad?

I feel lost. “What does that mean, Dad?”

He blinks several times and turns his head so I can no longer see his face. He clears his throat.

The way I know something is very wrong is that he hasn’t asked me once about the legislation that’s been the topic of all our conversations since the senate gaveled into session last winter.

“Is this really that bad?” I ask, and then I say—as if it would make any difference at all, “I’m in love.”

He lifts his hand and bushes the side of it over his face. “Go, Graham.”

“Dad…”

Abruptly, he stands, never facing me, and leaves the dining room. Moments later, I hear his footsteps on the staircase.

Deeply shaken, I rise from the table, both our sandwiches untouched. I breathe sharply and take a look around the room. It was a place I did homework, celebrated holidays with my family, announced my acceptance at Harvard and my run for the senate. I was where I shared my engagement with Avery—where we toasted and dreamt of the baby that wouldn’t end up making it home.

The sense of loss is acute. Heavy, like sand filling me.

It’s one thing for them to turn their backs on me now, but what if I’d fallen in love when I was fifteen or sixteen? Would they have turned me out on the street then, too? Theresa was eighteen when they kicked her out, but I think, in my parent’s eyes, my crime against God is worse.

Was this why I kept my thoughts a secret even from myself until I was old enough to be free of at least some of the more life-threatening consequences? Had I always known it would turn out like this? My entire life has been structured around avoiding a rejection exactly like this. A resounding one.

Massive in its silence.

I take one last look at the stairs, wondering if he’ll reconsider and come back. But he won’t, will he?

It’s time for me to leave.

Derrick and Luke are waiting for me outside with a car to take me to Penn Station. Neither of them speak to me. I sit alone with my duffel bag in the backseat of the black SUV as Derrick navigates the light traffic. I come very, very close to asking him to take me to Silas’s apartment. According to my app, he’s still there.

I stop myself, though. I’m too confused, and frankly distraught, to have a coherent conversation about what just happened. I need time to think. It’s all having a numbing effect on me. My fingers and legs are tingling. Even my mouth is numb.

Once I’m settled on the train, I hear from Holden via a text.

Holden

Dad’s a mess.

I don’t know what that means, either.

Me

What’s he so worried about?

Holden

He’s worried about you, dumbass.

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