Page 138 of The Liar's Reckoning

“If the world ends before we figure this out, please know I did everything I thought I could do.”

“I think you and I both know there’s a hell of a lot more youcoulddo. But I’ll be patient.”

I swallow hard and nod. He’s right. I just need time to figure out how not to ruin everything by asking for what I really want.

As he slips away from me, the warmth of him vanishes. I watch with a shattering heart as another tear streaks down his face.

I stare at the black TV screen as he packs his things to leave. I’m not sure how long it takes. But then I feel him move past me, behind the couch, his scent wafting past me for what I really think might be the last time.

When the apartment door closes, the final blow of the hammer hits my heart, smashing it to dust. The last words I said to him bounce like an echo through my skull.

Lies.

42

SILAS

Denial is the best way to describe the confused, zombie-like state I enter after I leave Graham. That night, in a numb daze, I make it to a hotel called The Chelsean, not to be mistaken with The Chelsea Hotel, which I’m not willing to pay for. It’s only a block away from the apartment. I was too sick to my stomach to make it any farther.

I don’t sleep at all the first night, no matter how hard I try to shut it all off—all the feelings, all the uncertainty. This feels like a mistake. He’s just scared. He’ll come around. He needs me. He loves me. He won’t make it a week without me. I just have to be patient.

My thoughts then move to his father. His cold politeness, his absolute control. I took his card off the table before I left, not sure what I might use it for, but wanting to have the link to Graham if I need it—if he goes the extra mile and ices me out entirely for a while.

Drinks with Christian the following evening prove everything Graham and his father told me are true. But there’s more to it, it turns out. Both of them mentioned I was being watched, but no one said anything about a fucking sex tape, which only couldhave been filmed in the apartment because we haven’t had sex anywhere else since that time on Capitol Hill. Graham said there was a video, but I thought it was just the two of us together—like—looking intimate or something—notfucking.

Christian says there’s a video of us fucking. No wonder Graham freaked out. Not gonna lie—I don’t like the idea of that being out in the world, either.

Taking time apart makes a lot more sense now, but his adamance stands in stark contradiction to the way he kisses me like he can’t breathe without me. The way he clings to me in bed. But the existence of a video like that explains that line he gave me I thought was bullshit—that he’s trying to protect me, too. I shudder to think what would happen if a video of me fucking a married U.S. senator came out. If the idea of being followed is uncomfortable—being publicly harassed for comment sounds like my worst nightmare.

Hearing that Christian is getting physically involved with his boss—the real estate billionaire Gibson Hayes—was almost as shocking as the fact that Gibson has a sex tape of me. I knew Chris was bi, but I’ve only ever seen him with women. He seemed smitten, though, and I played the part of the good friend while we were out, but it felt robotic.

I fucking hate Gibson Hayes, but I especially hate his vicious cunt of a wife. More now than ever.

I’m not sure what the hell to think about Avery. I’ve always liked her. She’s changed since the miscarriage, understandably, but she’s never been anything but kind to me. She’s sweet, and she’s worked so hard to fit into the Upper East Side. I guess someone like her makes an easy mark for a woman like Marianne.

What’s her angle, though? Christian doesn’t seem to know, but he confirms she’s the one holding all the leverage and Gibson’s only doing her bidding. Or at least that’s what Gibson wants Chris to think. I honestly don’t trust any of them.

I text Graham when I get home from the night with Christian.

Me

I know what’s on the video. Can we talk about this?

Graham

Who told you?

Me

Chris

Graham

Then you understand.

I leave that on read for a long time. The entire night. I roll the words through my head and what I think he means by them as I spend another mostly sleepless night in the hotel. But in the morning, when I’m still alone, and he’s under suicide watch apparently, I fuckingdon’tunderstand.

He’s finally got an out. He doesn’t have to lie or hide anymore. Why won’t he take it? Takeme? The fact that he’s choosing a senate seat over me is devastating. Ben and I had a good relationship while it lasted. Normal and comfortable. But what Graham and I have isspecial. It feels like a once in a lifetime love. The kind I thought could withstand anything thrown at it. Even time. Even distance if that’s what it takes to get through this shitstorm.

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