Page 137 of The Liar's Reckoning

“I’m sorry.”

“No.” He turns my head and kisses me.

I don’t want to let him in, don’t want to feel our connection become substance. But my mouth can’t stop wanting his. It opens for him, and his tongue slides in to lick against mine. Darkness wraps around my heart and clouds my mind as his kiss becomes all there is. His hand caresses my face tenderly, and my skin responds, starved for his touch.

I can’t. I can’t.

The tang of salt coats my tongue, and I assume I’m crying again, but when I brush his cheek with my thumb, the tears are falling from his eyes. I pull away and look at him.

I need him to understand.

We were always impossible. He was right. I don’t know how we managed to last as long as we did.

But this is where it has to end. “I have to go,” I whisper.

“No. You don’t. You need me. This is where you belong.”

I shake my head. “I was never supposed to be here.”

“Graham, goddamnit. Listen to me. Listen to yourself. You’relying. Stop. Fucking.Lying.”

Anger sparks in my chest. It’s not at him, but he’s about to feel it. “Ican’t. When will you understand that? You say you get me. You say you love me, but you don’t know. You don’t know what I’ve had to do—who I’ve had to become. You’re right. Iama fucking liar. You say I have choices, but you’ve got no fucking clue. The only choice I had I made when I stood at the front of that church and married someone for show. And look where that got me. It’s over. I made this mess, and I have to fix it. I’msorry.”

He stares back at me with wet, suspicious eyes. “Are you? Because I’m sick of empty apologies and your family bullshit. Fuck them. You deserve better.”

“I don’t deserve shit.”

“Fuckyou. You’re not a liar, Graham, you’re fucking delusional. You think you can live like they want you to the rest of your life? Is that what’s on the table? Or are you gonna take it one term at a time? How much blood are you willing to loose before you say enough?”

All I can hear are my father’s words. He’ll be watching. He might not hurt me, but he won’t hesitate to hurt Silas if it keeps me in line.

Neither will Marianne or Avery.

I wish I could say all my reasons for leaving were so noble, but I’m face to face with my own cowardice, and I hate what I see. I don’t think I could survive a scandal like what might be unleashed if I don’t do exactly what my father says and go.

But living without Silas isn’t a life either. For the first time since we got out of the shower, my resolve slips. A ray of possibility shines and I leap for it. “You understand, I have to play along,” I tell him.

He nods cautiously. “I get that.”

“Which means we can’t see each other.”

“For now,” he says firmly.

I swallow hard and agree that he’s right.For now, we have to stay apart. Not forever. Just for now.

“Okay,” he whispers, leaning his forehead against mine, a breath of relief passing from him to me, but I don’t feel it the way it seems like he does. “Thank you.”

“I can’t promise anything,” I tell him.

“No one can. But you love me.”

“Yes,” I say, closing my eyes. Our lashes brush. “And you love me, too.”

“I do.” He presses his mouth to mine one last time. “Okay, I’ll go.”

“Silas,” I say, wrapping my hand around his.

He stills.

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