Page 136 of The Liar's Reckoning

“So, what? You think if your daddy’s paying, you owe him something? Isn’t being his lackey in the senate enough for him?”

Ouch.

“He has a reputation,” I say. “The family has a reputation.”

“Yes. Right. Good Catholic boys who don’t fuck prostitutes or men. When the fuck did you start caring about that?”

“It’s not me,” I say, but it’s not until the words are out that Irealize what a weak, pathetic excuse they are. Because of course this was my fault. My choices. My mistakes. My love I can’t bear to lose. This one man I can’t bring myself to drag down with me. “I have to think about everyone. There’s just too much at stake.”

“It doesn’t sound like you’re trying to protect everyone, though. Just them. Just yourself. What it really sounds like is I’m about to become collateral damage.”

“Silas, no—I’ll do whatever I can to?—”

“You just said you won’t. You said you can’t. That breaking up with me is okay, but supporting liberal shit is one bridge too far. Did I hear you right?”

“No. Jesus, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what?” he snaps. “How are you gonna protect me? Do I need to call your dad, too? Get some of that money he offered me?”

“He didwhat?”

“He used the same word—generous. He’s willing to be verygenerousto keep me out of your life.”

Of course he did. “I’m sorry, Silas. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I don’t want your apology. I want you to fight for us. I want you to do the right thing. Because that’s something you can do, you know? Be out. Admit who you are and be proud because who you are is nothing to be ashamed of.”

“It’s not that simple…”

“Of course it is. You know what else is simple? Us. I love you. You love me. This.Works.”

“How?” I ask, so backed into this corner, I can’t see a way out. Every Lawther dead or alive is caging me in. Every Republican in congress. Gibson and Marianne. Avery. Nameless, wealthy donors I depend on.

And while none of them rise to the level in my heart that Silas occupies—each and every one of them could ruin his life, when all I have to do to protect him is let him go—get him the fuck away from me because I break everything I touch.

He doesn’t see it that way, and I love him for that, too.

“Fuckallthis shit, Graham. You’re a lawyer. You don’t need a senate seat to make a name for yourself. You don’t need your family, either. You can support yourself. And if Manhattan is too full of haters, then we go somewhere else. We could be happy. You and me. We could have a real life.”

I started shaking my head around the time he mentioned my family. I’m still shaking it when his words stop.

For a long, horrible moment, there’s nothing. Emptiness and silence. And then he says, “Do youwantme to go?”

I stare down at my hands.

I’ve lied over and over and over again, and so what’s one more? But this isn’t one I can manage. I remain silent, picturing the life I won’t have with him. One with a law practice and a home—maybe not in the mountains, but in a town that’s not too big or too small. Portland, Maine comes to mind.

I’m pulled from my reverie by his touch, his breath against my cheek, the brush of his lips and beard. “Don’t do this to us, baby. It doesn’t have to be like this. I know it feels impossible, but we’ve always been impossible, and we’re still here. Look at what we’ve been through. Look at who we are. We can do fuckinganything. Please, please don’t let them take you away from me.”

I shiver as my eyes fall shut. My hand is gripping his leg, and his muscle tenses, reminding me who he is to me. What we have. A chemistry so electric, a love so natural, a bond that’s undeniable. My feelings for him are so strong, they scare the shit out of me. The things he’s asking of me scare me even more. Because he’s not right about me. I’m not strong enough to go against everything I was raised for.

But more than that, I’m not willing to put Silas at risk, not if I have a chance of saving him from the fallout. He has to be able to take care of his mother. If he’s exposed—if his clients are exposed—I can’t protect him, and my father certainly wouldn’t lift a finger.

No.

The only option is for all of us to take the money and follow my dad’s directions. And pray. Fucking pray that video never sees the light of day.

“Please,” Silas whispers again, his lips so close to my mouth, I can taste them.

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