Page 11 of The Liar's Reckoning

“I’m sorry,” I say quickly.

“No—it’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting… Yeah, there was someone. We broke up a year ago. It was rough. Sore spot.”

“Again, I’m sorry.”

“You had no way of knowing, and it’s not like you and I will ever see each other again.”

That’s both trueanddepressing. I sigh. I’ve always hatedgoodbyes. I prefer them when I don’t see them coming, but either way, they make me sad—both the lead up to and the remembrance of.

“How’ve you managed to live this long and never been with anyone?” Silas asks.

“Discipline?”

He laughs. “Seriously?”

“I probably had my fair share of chances in college—and believe me, if I had it to do over again, I might have done it differently, but at the time, I was incredibly focused—very sleep-deprived, and I didn’t want to think about being gay.”

“Got it,” Silas murmurs, rolling onto his back.

“Like I could have urges and want things, but if they were contrary to my purpose, I could rise above them. Like a priest, you know?”

“Yeah, I get it,” Silas assures me. “So, what is it you think of people like me, then?”

“What do you mean?”

“You think I have a choice? About how I live or who I love?”

“No,” I say softly, realizing how all that must have sounded. I know better than anyone I was born this way. “I don’t think that at all. Honestly, I was more interested in law than dating, and I chose not to act on passing urges. I wasn’t trying to prove it could be done or anything. I’m not telling you this to say ‘see—you could go have a traditional marriage of convenience to a pretty girl, too.’ Because why the fuck would you want that?” Especially when you can dothis.

“Why the fuck do you?” he asks.

I avoid his penetrating gaze. “I thought I explained all that.”

“There are gay politicians, you know?”

“A little late for me to come out now, even if I didn’t deeply fear the wrath of my parents.”

“You still live with them or something?”

“Until tomorrow,” I say.

“What would they do?”

“Disown me. Disavow me. Who knows? I got really used to maintaining the status quo, and it’s a little late to back out now.”

“Here’s a free reminder—you’re a grown man. With a law degree.”

“Right, well…I’m also pragmatic. If I can manage to outlive my dad—I inherit, and then I can help out my sister and her kids, make sure my mom’s all set, and hopefully give my own kids a good start in life. Orgasms are great, but they’re not lifetime security.”

“You’ve made interesting choices,” Silas says.

“Including tonight?”

“Yeah. It’s a hell of a bachelor party you’re throwing yourself.”

I laugh. “Don’t hate me.”

“I barely know you.”

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