Graham
We’re back at the hospital. She’s miscarrying.
Me
I’m so fucking sorry.
I mean, what else is there to say?Fuck.I cover my face with my hand and breathe heavily into it.
“You okay?”
Chris’s hand is on my back, and I shake my head.
“What’s up? Can you talk about it?”
“No.” My chest hurts. It’s so fucking tight, I don’t know how I’m still breathing.
I want to text Graham again. Ask if Avery’s okay. Not that I think she’sokay, but if she’s physically all right, but I don’t know how.
“I wish you’d tell me what’s going on with you, Sy. You know I won’t judge.”
He would definitely judge, and I’m not ready for the conversation. But who knows? After today, it might be a completely different conversation. It hits me like a brick—I could lose Graham over this.
Grief is a pernicious motherfucker—I know because I’ve beengrieving my mom while she’s still alive for years now. It’s closed me off in a way I never used to be, especially after what happened with Ben. But Graham’s loss—the loss of a child—a dream—is different. Far more profound than any I’ve ever had to deal with. It’s the kind of grief that changes someone.
Avery will need him. What willheneed?
I get myself under control and take my hand off my face. I sit up, my back to Christian, running a hand through my bed head. “A friend of mine got some bad news.”
“Anyone I know?” he asks.
“No.”
“Sorry,” he says in the gentle, unassuming way he has that makes every word sound sincere.
“Thank you.” I check the time on my phone, but before I register it, I see another text from Graham.
Graham
Can I see you?
Me
Whatever you need.
Graham
We’re at Lenox Hill.
He wants me to come to the hospital where his wife is miscarrying?
Me
Are you gonna be there awhile?
Graham
Overnight.