Page 74 of Carnival Shadows

“Oh my God, really?” Alice hugs her best friend. “Does Cade know?”

I settle into the cushions, watching their easy interaction. These women share a bond forged through experiences—some beautiful, some terrible—and have all found their place in this strange, dangerous world.

I watch Lily reach for a bottle of water, her cheeks flushing pink under all the attention.

“I haven’t told Cade yet,” she confesses, twisting the cap off her water. “Found out yesterday morning.”

“He’s going to lose his mind,” Alice squeals, squeezing her friend’s hand. “In a good way, I mean.”

Lily takes a sip of water, her free hand instinctively drifting to her still flat stomach. “I know he’ll be happy. And he’ll be an amazing dad. It’s just... we hadn’t planned this. Not with everything going on at the carnival.”

“The best things in life are unplanned,” Sofia chimes in, raising her wine glass. “Look at all of us. None of us exactly planned to end up here, did we?”

“True,” Lily agrees, a small smile playing on her lips

I take a sip of wine, considering Lily’s situation. “The money won’t be an issue,” I say, thinking of the massive profits from our cocaine shipments. “Ty makes sure everyone’s taken care of.”

“It’s not that,” Lily sighs, fiddling with her water bottle. “I just worry about what it means to raise a baby when we’re always on the move. New town every few weeks, living in trailers...”

I watch the emotions play across the faces of my newfound friends. Sofia’s eyes cloud with memories of her mob family upbringing. At the same time, Flora’s fingers twist in her lap, no doubt thinking of the foster system that failed her.

“A child needs love,” Alice says firmly, her voice carrying the weight of someone who knows. “I had my mom, just my mom, and that was enough. Even when she remarried and moved away, the love she gave me shaped who I am.”

“I didn’t have either parent,” Flora adds softly, surprising me with her openness. “But watching you with Cade, Lily... the way you both light up around each other. That’s what a child needs. Not a fancy house or a permanent address.”

Aurora nods, her hand subconsciously touching her neck. “Sometimes having parents isn’t enough if they’re the wrong kind. Your baby will have two people who cherish them and this crazy carnival family.”

I think about my childhood—the endless psychology books, the fascination with darker subjects my aunt never quite understood. “Family isn’t always blood,” I offer. “Sometimes it’s the people who see you for who you really are and love you anyway.”

Tilly looks up from her phone, her eyes bright. “Like how Phoenix sees past my nerdy exterior? Or how Remy accepts your interest in serial killers?” She winks at me.

“Exactly,” I laugh, feeling a warmth that has nothing to do with the wine. “And this baby will have all of us. Aunties who understand that normal is overrated.”

I cradle the wine glass as I watch these women interact. The realization hits me like a gentle wave that I’d been anxious about nothing.

“More popcorn?” Aurora offers, holding out the bowl. The caramel and bourbon mixture makes my mouth water.

“Thanks,” I say, grabbing a handful.

My whole life, I’ve kept people at arm’s length. My podcast listeners think they know me but only know the carefully crafted version I present. Forensic psychologists study killers from a safe, clinical distance. Not the woman who collects their letters and personal items, who falls asleep surrounded by artifacts of violence.

But here, in this cozy trailer with fairy lights casting shadows on the walls, I don’t have to pretend. These women understand the darkness. They’ve each found their way to embrace it, to love men society would label as monsters.

“Earth to Eden,” Sofia teases, tossing a piece of popcorn at me. “You’re thinking too hard.”

I catch the popcorn and pop it in my mouth, grinning. “Force of habit.”

“Well, stop it,” Alice commands playfully. “This is a thinking-free zone tonight.”

Looking around at their faces—Flora’s gentle smile, Tilly’s tech-savvy smirk, Lily’s maternal glow, Aurora’s wild spirit, Sofia’s fierce pride, and Alice’s vibrant energy—I feel something I’ve never experienced before. Belonging. These aren’t just Remy’s colleague’s partners or fellow carnival workers. They’re my friends. My first real friends.

The thought brings an unexpected lump to my throat. All those years of eating lunch alone in school, celebrating achievements with only my podcast microphone for company, keeping my true nature hidden—they led me here, to this moment, to these women who get me.

36

REMY

Through the security feeds, I watch Eden moving through her end-of-day routine at the podcast booth. Her fingers dance across the equipment, powering everything down with practiced efficiency. The carnival grounds stretch empty and dark around her, rides standing silent against the star-filled sky.

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