Her hazel eyes were wide and sad, her brows furrowed up. Kaemon shook his head. “Not at all, Melina. You’ve done nothing wrong.”
Kaemon gave her a rueful smile and began eating, but she wasn’t touching her food. He glanced up periodically, only to see her gazing out the window fretfully. What could be said to make her feel better? He couldn’t very well tell herI’m falling in love with you, I maybe have been in love with you for a long time and my body wants to make you its mate and you only want us to be friends and I don’t know how to deal with that loneliness.
His brusqueness was his way of pushing her back. Protecting himself. It always had been. He did it with Aife and Jorah; he did it with Silenus. Silenus wasn’t that bad, he realized. He just pushed him away because the thought of having someone to lose terrified him. And losing Melina would be a loss he wasn’t sure he’d ever recover from.
Her gaze slid to his, seeing him staring. “What did I do?”
She worried her lower lip and his shoulders slumped. He knew her uncle’s moods had led into his terrible treatment of Melina. That fear and conditioning had to run strong in her. He had to say something.
He looked down at his plate, trying to word what he needed to say. “I’ve lost many people, Melina, and I fear doing the wrong thing and losing more people. I push them away because of it. I’m sorry.”
She was beside him, her hands on his left biceps. Their eyes met, and he looked at her imploringly, begging her to understand. But he knew it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t ask her to stick around, anxious about his moods if he was unwilling to stick with her and be vulnerable. He could explain himself all day, but if he was unwilling to take the leap and let himself get hurt, would he hurt her more in the process?
The day passed slowly, the tension in both loosening to a comfortable silence. Kaemon whittled little wooden bears and wolves for entertainment as he tended the fire and Melina worked on his shirt. After a few hours of her care on the stitches, she held it up, grinning.
“It’s done,” she said.
Her face was a like a beacon on top of a tower, the joy in it so bright that Kaemon moved closer, touching the shirt just to grasp her hand as he did. He looked over the fabric, stitching, and embellishments she’d added. It was the finest shirt he’d owned since he’d been taken. All his others had been Jorah’s cast offs that Aife had hemmed. This was tailored for him.
He threw off his shirt, not missing how her eyes drifted to his shoulders, arms, chest, stopping on his lower abdomen and snapping up to his face. Her countenance remained schooled in a carefully neutral expression.
He took the shirt and shrugged it on, buttoning it up swiftly. She smiled, giving a sigh, and clasping her hands in front of her.
“Kaemon, you look so handsome!”
He flushed.It’s just praising her handy work.But he couldn’t convince himself of it, not entirely. He wanted to kiss her, to hold her, to see if she’d welcome it. But he feared that she’d agree to his desires for her comfort and safety. The people in charge of her care had trained her to be that way since she was a child. What if she didn’t truly want it but gave in because he did? She was in his care now, under his protection, and he couldn’t abuse that.
Kaemon felt fairly certain he would go mad if the weather didn’t let up soon.
She stood and flung her arms out, stretching and yawning. “It is so tiring sitting all day. I never knew.”
“Do you like to dance?” he asked, unsure where it came from. He’d taken classes growing up, but it had been ages since he’d danced at all. He wasn’t certain he remembered how.
Her expression lit, but she shook her head. “I don’t know how. And I’m certain I’d be bad.”
He held his hand out for her. “If you’d like, I’ll teach you. I’m not good either, but it would be some movement.”
She looked at his hand, hesitating for only a moment before grabbing it. He tugged her closer to him.
“May I put my hand on your waist?” he asked, and she nodded, color marking her skin. “We’ll start with a slow one.”
He showed her the steps. Her eyes stuck on their feet at first, trying to match his movements, her hand progressively grasping his hand tighter as she focused harder, her brow pinched in concentration, biting her lower lip. The movements came back to him in a flood, his muscles remembering what he hadn’t done in ages, but had done for so long before. The actions started becoming more and more natural, time passing indefinitely for them. Kaemon was lost in the image of her, the feel of her waist and hand in his hands, the way her hand grasped his arm, too short to grasp his shoulder.
“I was thinking,” he said as they moved back and forth in the cabin, the rhythm coming easy now. “You’re a fine seamstress. Orc Haven doesn’t have enough of them. I bet if you showed off some of your work, people would pay for it.”
“Do you think so?” she asked eagerly, shifting closer to him as they stepped forward, her chest brushing against his. He swallowed down a moan. “I do love sewing, but surely I’m not that good at it.”
“You are. You have such fine needlework. And you’d make more than foraging will give you.”
They shifted in the room, taking two steps to the right. She stumbled a little, and he gripped her tighter to steady her. Their eyes met, and he then stumbled a step, and both laughed. She twisted her hand in his so that their fingers twined, and he furrowed his brow, focusing, trying not to kiss her. The light from the fireplace flickered, hitting her long neck, exposed as her hair hung on the other side. He wanted to feather kisses along the column of it, feel the softness of her skin against his.
Her eyes went distant and dreamy, clearly thinking over what he had proposed. “Imagine if I owned my own shop someday?”
He could see it. A little store in Orc Haven, full of fabric and buttons and thread. Her happily sewing away, making a living off of it. His fingers sank deeper into her hip, the vision of her away from him leaving his own future bereft.
“You could. That would be an excellent career for you.”
“I’ll pay you back then, Kaemon. I will get out of your hair and pay you back.” She said it with a smile, but there was determination in her voice.