Page 84 of Shattering

Gray was silent for a moment before he spoke again, his voice quieter. "Because she's everything."

Dr. Sloan waited.

Gray swallowed, his throat tight. "Cadi was always light." His voice had that faraway quality now, like he was seein' somethin' Dr. Sloan couldn't. "Bright, brilliant, better. She walks into a room, an' she fills it. She doesn't even try—she just is."

He exhaled slowly, shakin' his head. "An' me? I was always the one in the dark. Angry, sharp edges, somethin' broken inside me that I never knew how ta fix."

He ran a hand down his face. "But she was mine. An' I was so fuckin' grateful she chose me. Every damn day, I woke up next ta her an' thought, How the hell did I get this lucky?"

His voice thickened. "I could never see anyone but her. Never."

Dr. Sloan didn't speak. He let the words hang between them, heavy with meaning.

Gray's jaw tightened. "And now she knows what I am. What me blood carries. An' suddenly, I feel I am not enough." His throat worked. "An' I find myself thinking—this is it. This is where she realizes she deserves more."

His hands clenched into fists. "I convinced meself back then that she was cheatin' on me, like me mam cheated on David. That she had already left me in her mind, even if her body was still here."

Dr. Sloan finally spoke. "Did you ever have proof of that?"

Gray's laugh was hollow. "No. An' I fuckin' knew better." His hands clenched. "Cadi would rather cut off her own hand than cheat." His voice cracked. "But I made her feel like she had. I made her feel like I didn't trust her."

Dr. Sloan leaned forward. "You talk about Cadi like she's still your world."

Gray looked up, his eyes dark with pain. "She is."

A beat of silence.

Dr. Sloan tapped his notepad. "And Tomos?"

Gray inhaled sharply, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes for a moment. "The joy of me life."

The words left him raw, like an open wound.

Dr. Sloan waited.

Gray's hands dropped, an' when he spoke again, his voice was hoarse. "He's the best thing I've ever done. An' I nearly ruined him."

Dr. Sloan frowned. "What do you mean?"

Gray let out a slow, shaky breath. "Some nights, he asks me if I'm going ta leave him." His voice dropped lower, thick with guilt."Not in those exact words. But it's there. In the way he asks if I'll be home when he wakes up. In the way he checks that I'll pick him up from school."

His throat tightened. "I made him insecure. I did that. I let me own shite bleed onto him."

Dr. Sloan studied him carefully. "Do you think you can fix it?"

Gray's voice was barely a whisper. "I have to."

A long silence stretched between them before Dr. Sloan finally spoke.

"You've told me that speaking to Cadi isn't easy for you. That it feels like everything catches in your throat."

Gray nodded, his fingers curling against his knees.

"Have you ever considered writing to her instead?"

Gray frowned. "What?"

"If you struggle with face-to-face conversations, write her letters. Say what you can't say out loud." Dr. Sloan leaned forward slightly. "Sometimes, writing lets us process things better. And it gives her time to read it without feeling like she has to respond immediately."

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