Page 37 of Broken By It

A tear escapes as I study him. With his other hand, he wipes it away.

“Just asking for a chance here, Maritza. Let’s explore what we could have. Fuck, we’ve been through more together than people married for fifty damn years. Hell, you’ve helped raise my son as your own. We’ve been co-parenting his whole life. Why can’t we try seeing what we can be together?”

“I can’t risk upsetting Hollis. If it doesn’t work,” again he shakes his head silencing me.

“What about if it does work? What if you and me fit perfectly and we build a beautiful life for Hollis? What if we don’t take the shot and both spend years longing for something right in front of us?”

God help me, I want this, and I think that is what scares me the most.

“You’ve literally seen me at rock bottom. Never judged me. You have practically raised my son. More than that, you didn’t look down on Anna. Regardless of how things ended, there was a time in my life she was my whole world. I will forever remember that. I won’t let the changes and the way things ended taint the good for my son. But Maritza I’ve had more bad than good, and you are fucking everything good. I want that for me and for Hollis.”

Letting out a sigh, I don’t know what to say because I know we could be good together. He is calm, steady, and carries himself in a way I know life will be easy most days. Everyone has troubles, but Dillon Jacoby isn’t a man to play games, and his priority is always family first. He is everything I’ve wanted in a man, but how do I take this leap when there is so much at risk? I can’t lose Hollis and if I lose Dillon I lose his son too.

He leans in forehead to forehead releasing my chin, “talk to me. Tell me what holds you back. Was that call not real? Did you not mean it? What soberness conceals, drunkenness reveals, or it was all a joke?”

I pull back. “No, I meant it.”

“Then what?” His gaze is intense.

“I can’t be in a relationship where the scales are tipped.” He watches me intently. “If I upset you, or do something wrong, I don’t just lose you Dillon, I lose Hollis too.”

He jumps up and paces the small porch before coming back to the couch and leaning down over me. With a fist at each of my thighs he holds himself over me. “On everything, I would never take him from you. Maritza the sun rises and sets on you for my kid. You are a fuckin’ angel that has been the most steady person in his life. Even more than me and it kills me to admit that, but I have transports and unexpected runs. You, though, you’re his safe place. It doesn’t matter what you do, kill someone, cheat on me, turn me down, rip my heart out, it doesn’t fuckin’ matter, I will never take you from my son.”

I swallow the lump in my throat.

“Baby,” he whispers, “please don’t get hung up on things and give me a chance. You talk about scales, shit Maritza, I fuck up with you, that’s my damn patch. Ruby will personally see to that shit. I want to do this right. For once in my fuckin’ life I don’t have a plan, I don’t want to rush into this.” He presses his lips to my forehead before pushing back to stand. “I don’t want to get this wrong. I don’t want to push.”

I feel him emotionally pulling away as he has physically and immediately, I fight with the unease of having distance between us. Standing up, I let instincts carry me to him. As soon as I’m close, he reads my face and reaches out pulling me to him. I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face in his chest. Inhaling, I take in the moment. I’m in his arms.

I’m home.

I’ve never felt more settled in my entire life.

“Give me this chance, Maritza, and I promise you I’ll be worth it.”

I stand in silence in his arms. It’s already worth it even if it breaks my heart forever. I want nothing more than to see what I can build with the Hellion in my arms.

FOURTEEN

DILLON

I don’t wantto make assumptions. I stand with her in my arms knowing what I want with Maritza, but not sure if she believes it.

The sliding door opens to the porch and Hollis comes out in his pajama pants. Seeing our embrace, he smiles as he scurries over to us joining in the hug. The sun sets with the two people I care about the most in the world in my arms.

For the first time in what seems like forever, I can say everything is right for me in this moment.

“Zizi,” Hollis says stepping back, “do you think when we say my prayers tonight, I could talk to my mom?”

Maritza steps out of my arms and I instantly feel the loss. “Yes, buddy, I do. I’ll go get in my pajamas, brush my teeth, wash my face, and then we can do prayers, and I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep.”

I remain on the porch as my son heads inside to his room and Maritza goes about her nighttime routine. I don’t know how I would have managed Hollis if she wasn’t here. She gives him the comfort of a mother and helps him navigate all of his emotions regarding his mom. Things I struggle to understand.

Moving inside my house, I settle on the couch in the quiet. One thing my time in the Marines taught me is to be comfortable in silence. I find my thoughts to be clearer when I take time to embrace moments without distraction. I don’t know how much time passes, but I do notice when Maritza emerges from Hollis’ room. I pat the seat beside me on the couch.

“You okay?” I ask as she takes the seat beside me. I like having her close. Even though there are two chairs she could have sat in, I take it as a good sign she chose to be by me. I still don’t know why she is out here. Normally, she falls asleep right behind Hollis. I don’t wake her because selfishly I find comfort having her here.

“You never wake me,” she confirms what we both know to be true. “Why? It’s been weeks, over a month even, and you don’t wake me to go home. You let me stay.”

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