Page 11 of Broken By It

Anna looks to my date and back to me, “not at all who I expected to see take you out,” she mutters to no one in particular.

I don’t know what the hell that means. I don’t care either. Never did I think I would use a kid as an escape from a man, but here we are. I’m grateful for Anna’s headache, or temper tantrum, or whatever else this is.

“He’s welcome to stay with me until Dillon gets back, Anna,” I inform her watching Johnathon get back into his car.

“Thank you,” she says before taking off almost running to her car while I have a wiggling toddler in my arms.

I wave as first Johnathon pulls away and then Anna.

“You’re better company than either of them,” I tell Hollis as I carry him to my condo. “I’ll keep you safe from facials tonight, buddy. And we aren’t having ice-cream, but definitely, I need to eat, and you probably do too.”

He doesn’t say anything as I place him down inside the doorway. My sister and Dia are in her room, I can hear them as I go to the kitchen to get something for Hollis and myself to eat.

“Yes, definitely much better company with you,” I tell him as he smiles at me.

“My Zizi,” he mumbles as I get the mac and cheese in the microwave.

I look over to him, “my Hollis.”

Even if he isn’t mine, he’s, my Hollis. Always and forever, this little boy has a piece of my heart.

FOUR

DILLON

The house isdark when I pull in. It’s late, I expect Anna and Hollis to be asleep, therefore, I enter making sure to be quiet. Being on the road for the last twelve hours, doing a transport, I’m wiped out. I don’t mind these runs, it’s a side business the club has. I even went to the local community college to obtain my CDL endorsement so I can drive the trucks for some of these. It means a few days away from home, sometimes a week at the most. Tripp makes sure no matter who is on a transport we get extra pay. The money is enticing, but also, I love to travel and see new places. It’s one of the reasons why I joined the Marines. I didn’t get to see nearly as much as I wanted. The Hellions give me a second chance at that.

Honestly, I think Anna has this love/hate relationship with the runs. She seems to do better when I’m away, as far as her temperament goes. Her mood is lighter. Sure, Anna still gives me shit about everything, it’s become her normal, but it’s not nearly like it is when I’m home. She wouldn’t know how to have a good, peaceful day with me if her life depended on it. Most of what she says and does I ignore. It’s the best way for me to get by. We don’t have a marriage anymore. We haven’t for a longdamn time. I don’t even remember the last time I kissed her, or she even had something nice to say to me.

I wish I could find a better way. This is all toxic for us both, but mostly for Hollis. If I leave, I will only see him every other weekend. She’s made it clear she won’t give me extra time. Anna talks a lot of shit about it ending, but she won’t leave because frankly, I’m her damn meal ticket. We are on this hamster wheel of fighting and co-existing. There seems to be no way out.

I take the runs, come home, make sure my son is secure, and then sleep on the couch or the floor in Hollis’s room. The occasions I sleep beside her are few and far between the more time goes on. It is far from perfect, but it’s all I can figure out right now.

Walking in our home, I quietly close and lock the front door behind me. Coding our alarm, I turn it on finding it strange that Anna hadn’t already done so. She loves to scream at me that leaving her home alone leaves her vulnerable to someone hurting her. It’s why I got the damn alarm in the first place. Why not set the alarm when I’m not home? Dropping my duffel bag on the loveseat that is by our front door, I gaze the space. Why didn’t she have the alarm on? Is she home? Where is Hollis?

Our home is a typical three-bedroom, two-bathroom, cookie-cutter, average house. The front door enters into the living room that flows into our kitchen with an eat-in dining area. There is a hallway off the space where the living room and kitchen meet to the right. The first door on the right down that hallway is our guest bedroom, the next door is on the left to the second bathroom. At the end of the hall, it splits with Hollis’ bedroom to the right and our master bedroom and bathroom to the left. From the kitchen there is a door out to our laundry room that leads to our one car garage. Since I didn’t want Anna bringing groceries in the rain, I always parked my bike outside under the small overhang I built to the side of the garage. One day I planto close it in and make it a bike garage. Well, that was my initial thought. Now, I don’t know that this home will be my forever home … or Anna’s for that matter.

Since getting out of the Marines it has taken a lot for me to keep this house paid for. Until I came to work for Danza and the Hellions that is. Between my full-time work at the shop and these transports I don’t have to worry about which bills to skip this month to keep the lights on. I almost have enough saved to build my bike garage addition and get a second car. Once I get that I’ll just start bringing Hollis to work with me. It’s become a common thing for Anna to drop him off anyway.

The house is silent,too quiet, I think as I move down the hall. At the end of the hallway, I pause and look to my right into my son’s bedroom. His toddler bed sits against the far wall. The car shaped bed is empty.

Instantly, I go on alert.

Anna has been adamant from before he was born that Hollis would always sleep in his own space. It drove her insane the many nights I let him sleep against my chest. She needs quiet for her sleep. If I roll over in the middle of the night, she will wake me up and tell me to sleep on the couch because I am keeping her up. A toddler in her bed is not going to happen. He should be sound asleep in his bed and he’s not.

Where is my son?

As the fear climbs, I go to the left and enter our bedroom. Our queen size bed is against the far-right wall from the door. The bed is completely made with the hunter green comforter in place covered in our pillows and the many throw pillows she loves. The shit has been one of those things I swear she does to irritate me.

I don’t understand why anyone wants all those pillows and they aren’t even comfortable. They are for looks she says, well, who the fuck is looking at our bed other than us? I don’t give a shit about the damn pillows. Shit, I don’t care really if the bed isactually made or not. Naturally, I get up and make the bed, but it isn’t something that will anger me if it doesn’t get done. I prefer to pick my battles and pillows isn’t one I care to bring up.

My bedroom is empty.

Where the hell is my son? Where is Anna? I rush to the garage to find Anna’s car in the garage. How did they leave if her car is here?

Where are they? While she doesn’t have him most days, when it comes to bedtime, she’s been firm on his routine. A routine that has him in his bed by seven and asleep by eight.

Immediately, I pick up my phone and call her.

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