Page 8 of Broken By It

“I’m not ready for this Bobby. Not here, not like this. It doesn’t feel right.”

“Come on Maritza, I’m ready. You can’t leave me hanging, hard and no relief.”

“Bobby, I said not here, not now. I didn’t say no ever.”

“I love you,” he whispers against my lips. He tries to kiss me again, I pull away.

“No.”

“Yes,” he mutters moving in pinning me to the bed with his weight over me.

His hand goes down my pants again. “I can make it good for you.”

Panic seizes me. I love him. How is this happening?

I shove at him, he pushes in closer, his mouth to mine, stifling my words. Bawling up my fists, I pound against his chest as the fear grips me. I try and fail to roll us over. He has me under him with all the control.

“She said no!” Mariella yells coming into my room.

Immediately, Bobby pulls away. I take the moment to jump up from my bed and away from him. He stands, his erection making a tent in his pants. He stalks over to us as I stand beside my sister.

“She said no, Bobby,” she reminds him. “You need to go home.”

“And if I don’t?” he taunts.

“Bobby, don’t make this worse, just go home,” I plead.

He steps into our space. “Maybe I’ll just let Mariella here watch as you give it up. Maritza, you said you wanted this as much as me.”

He’s right I did say that. Only when it came down to it, I couldn’t. I shake my head speechless. How can he say he loves me and talk to me like this?

“Don’t be a dick tease.”

“If that isn’t the most teenage boy thing to say,” Mariella challenges him.

Closing in on my sister, everything happens so fast and in slow motion at the same time. Her hand curls up into a fist, she swings, connecting with Bobby’s face. Blood immediately shoots everywhere.

He takes off muttering, “not worth the trouble anymore, it’s over.”

Just like that a year of being in love is gone. So is his picture-perfect straight nose.

The next day at school, he told anyone who would listen I broke his nose while he was eating me out because I was pushing so hard on his face. I didn’t correct the lie. I didn’t care. Heartbreak numbed me, I guess. Or maybe I didn’t care what anyone willing to believe his lie thought. I knew my truth.

I thought I would be with him forever. Then forever only made it to third base. Bobby is in prison now. Serving time for a break in at his workplace. Not his first incarceration. He likes to steal things apparently and he doesn’t seem to be very good since he keeps getting caught. I dodged a bullet getting away from him. Doesn’t mean it didn’t suck at the time.

Mariella held me while I cried, rented every comedy she could find, and ate popcorn and snacks with me every night for a week. Once we ran out of good comedies, she moved on toaction movies and it became our new Friday night ritual. Movie, snacks, and sisterhood. When I moved out, it became a thing to have Dia join us for movie night.

When Bobby was arrested, Mariella somehow learned of it first. She brought home cupcakes from a local bakery, and we celebrated. It’s not in my nature to celebrate someone else’s pain. I can’t explain why I did it, but I did, and I enjoyed laughing at his troubles. Plus, frosting makes everything feel better, right?

Maybe it’s why I have bad luck in love now. Karma of sorts for finding joy in his misery. I was wrong to enjoy his downfall. Some wounds cut deep. I thought he was someone special. I thought we had this love. The kind like my parents.

I was wrong.

We were far too young, immature, and I was naïve. There was no way it would last even if we had sex.

I can see it clearly now. In the moment, I was shattered. He was the first person I opened up to. I shared my secrets, my insecurities, my dreams. He wasn’t mature enough and neither was I. We weren’t meant to be.

Sure, I’ve dated since then, but not much. I don’t mind being alone. Connection matters and so far, I haven’t been lucky enough to find someone I can build a friendship with.

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