Page 5 of Broken By It

Dillon shakes his head, “he bottle feeds. The formula, bottle, and the water to mix it is in the diaper bag. There are diapers and wipes. He’s teething so there are teethers in the bag too. He doesn’t have a schedule. I take over once I get home and wait for him to cry or root as the book explained it that I read when Anna was pregnant.”

Scooping up the handle of the carrier car seat, I take the boy and gesture with the hand holding the diaper bag, “go on, work. We got this, what’s his name?”

Dillon stands straight up as pride washes over him, “Hollis Dillon Jacoby.”

“We’re gonna take care of Hollis and you go take care of Danza’s car. He’s worse than a baby crying over his toys being scratched.” My mother jokes while my dad gives her a kiss on the cheek before leading Dillon and Danza out of the office door.

Looking down, the most clear blue eyes meet mine and instantly I’m connected to the baby in front of me. This sweet little boy will definitely make the day go by differently than I imagined when I got up this morning.

Absolutely, totally, without a doubt, worth it.

TWO

DILLON

One Year Later

“What amI supposed to do with our son?” Anna screeches, her eyes wild in wonder like how dare I ask her to do this. Her mood swings seem to get worse with every year. I can’t reach her. I can’t help her. The smallest of things pushes her over the edge.

“Baby, calm down. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t already consider Hollis. I have it covered. Ruby and Vida are bringing Maritza. She will stay at the hotel with Hollis so you can take the ride with me.”

I’m slightly offended that she even thinks I didn’t have a plan for Hollis. Shit, the only thing keeping us together is our son. He comes first, last, and always. Hell, even here on a good day, he ends up with Maritza more than home with Anna. Why would I not make arrangements while we are on this trip for him?

“This is absolutely ridiculous. I only agreed to you having the motorcycle because it saves us on gas for you to get to and from work. Your gang life is a means to an end. They gave you a job and it pays well, but not our life. This isn’t supposed to be ourthing. It’s your thing! I am not about to get on the back of that thing with you!”

Her eyes are wide, in fear, anger, I’m not sure what. Reaching out, I pull her to me. Her head crashes to my chest. “Anna, I won’t ever let anything happen to you. I want to do this with you. The club, they’ve given us so much. You know Danza stepped up for me, for us. Hell, Danza should have filed a claim when I hit his car. Instead, he gave me a job that paid better than the three I was working before. And benefits. Plus they help with Hollis. Vida and Maritza love having time with him and want you to have time for yourself. Never have we ever had people in our corner like this, Anna. I want you there for selfish reasons, but they want to hang around you too. They want to embrace you, like family.”

How can I make her see? She didn’t have the best childhood either. Her mother died when she was a toddler, and her dad tried his best but spent more nights with a bottle over his daughter. It drove us together. I didn’t see it back then, but now, we both had these traumatic childhoods. In each other we found a way to fill the holes we both were left with from our lack of parents.

“I don’t care what they have given you. I don’t want to take this trip!” She mutters against my chest. “They aren’t family, Dillon. You and Hollis, that’s my family.” Her voice is pained, and it kills me to have to choose between her and my club. “Don’t choose them over us.”

I hold her against me and kiss the top of her head. “Please, Anna, please,” I beg. “What I have with the Hellions, it’s good. I need the brotherhood. I miss this shit from my time in the Marines, you know that. I miss having brothers. I grew up with three of them and we don’t get to go home. You know we don’t have anyone here anymore. The couples we were friends with from my unit got orders. Come on, Anna, I’m trying to giveus all a support system here. The ladies of the club, Vida and Maritza especially want to help you any way, all the ol’ ladies and daughters want you to come around. They want to get to know you.”

My time to put up or shut up is here. The final step to solidify my place in the Hellions motorcycle club is within my grasp. This weekend is the time I take the ride of rides. My prospect period is over and now it’s time to ride the Tail of the Dragon and get my final rockers as a full brother in the Hellions MC. This final rite-of-passage is the only thing left and I’m a prospect no more.

I never imagined this as my life. Going from a boy who walked through life in an unconventional family and now to a man truly building a family of my own, I’m full of pride. The odds were against me. My life isn’t supposed to turn out this good. After all my own biological mother tossed me aside to never look back. Being here, now, I feel like damn, I almost have it all. The Hellions are as much my family as Anna and Hollis. If only I can get her to be part of this with me.

I was on the phone with Anna the day it happened. She had me wound tight and I missed the turn signal of the car ahead of me. I slammed into the back of Danza. My vehicle was a mess. Airbags deployed, pieces everywhere, but the stupid Bluetooth running through the speakers still worked. Anna heard it all and went off more than she was before I got in the accident.How could I total our only car? What was she supposed to do? I better not be injured because I had to work the next day.Honestly, as Danza approached, I thought this man is about to cuss me out.

He didn’t.

He stopped, asked if I was okay, took me by the hand and literally pulled me out of the Hell I was living in. And more than just pulling me out of the car, he pulled me through my life. Notonly did he not call the cops, file a claim with my insurance, he gave me a job, and opened more opportunities for me to take care of my responsibilities as a man.

The club, it’s a whole new world. A place I feel I truly belong. Unconditional acceptance. I entered the Hellions MC a man lost. In all the drama and chaos this club is where I have found my peace. I want Anna to take this ride for my patch with me. I want her to embrace this family we have found. I don’t know why she can’t see it. The club isn’t taking me from her, they want her right here by my side.

I didn’t think it would bother her at all. With the money I get paid working at the garage, our bills are paid current for a change and a little cushion. We haven’t had our utilities not on a disconnect notice since I got out of the Marines. Month after month, it was skipping the water to pay the lights only to skip the lights to pay the water the next month. Living in a way that one mistake meant something was getting shut off. Since taking the job from Danza, I’ve been able to buy her a new and larger SUV along with buying my Harley. We have never had two vehicles since getting married. Anna didn’t bring her car when we came to North Carolina. She sold it and used the money to buy our first bedroom set. It was a nice gesture, but some days I wished we had two vehicles. I can sleep on a mattress and frame; the headboard and matching dresser don’t do shit for me.

Having the bike that Crunch sold me on payments has been helpful. Anna hates it but I love the Harley and I’m grateful Crunch has made it affordable for me. She says it’s fine for me to ride, but she is scared of them. I get it. Before I began to ride, I thought, damn,I might die. Not because motorcycles are bad, but because cars don’t watch out and it only takes an instant.

Honestly, I’m surprised Anna is refusing to go. I really thought this would be an easy sell for her. Not that she wants to meet the ol’ ladies or be part of that, but for the help she getswith Hollis. Since Maritza and Vida have given her a free pass to bring Hollis to the office any time, she feels overwhelmed, Anna has spent more time without our son than with him. I’m lucky if once a week she stays home with him now. What she does while I’m work? I have no clue. I know my son is safe in the office and what she does to get by is not something I’m going to sweat. Should I? Probably, but she has yelled less, demanded less, and seems to enjoy her life a little more having this childcare option available. I hate not paying them, but Maritza nor Vida will take my money. I’ve tried to pay them, even going so far as to get gift cards for dinner or nails. All of which end up back in my envelope with my paystub.

In some ways it’s been a miracle for our family. Getting Anna help with our son, she’s not as tense. She doesn’t call nearly as much for me to come home. The times she gets all tangled in her head about having a bad day, she brings him to the office and goes on getting her time away from the stresses of motherhood. I don’t know what is normal for moms. I have very little experience with babies. What has happened to Anna since giving birth has been hard on her mentally and physically. Granted, things weren’t necessarily smooth sailing before she had Hollis. Since leaving Idaho she’s been anxious. After giving birth, though, everything is ten times more dramatic to me, but nonetheless important to her. As a man, I don’t understand what she is going through. The hormones, the changes in her body, and the added responsibility of motherhood is too much for her most days. My cousins have always said she was a high maintenance bitch, but now they don’t even try to speak to her because to them, she’s a raving bitch. I don’t know. When we were younger, things were easier. The light she was in my life, I can’t deny or walk away from the potential to see that in her again. This is a season; we have to get through it and come out stronger on the other side.

Maritza and Vida have been absolute gifts to my son and me. They don’t ever get upset when Hollis is dropped off. If Anna doesn’t come back before we close, they follow me home in their cars since I’m on the bike to bring him to the house. If I have to work after hours, they take him home to my house and stay until I get there unless Anna is home and tells them she has him.

Hollis is thriving. He is meeting and surpassing all of his milestones. Even as young as he is, they talk to him constantly telling him numbers and colors. I don’t know if all of that helps him learn, but they do it and he coos and pays attention like he’s absorbing it all. From crawling to walking and now running, they have been working with him continually. His first steps were to Maritza. I think they spent days practicing and working up to those first few steps. Vida, embracing her role as a surrogate grandmother, video-taped the whole thing after calling me and the others over from the shop. I walked in just as it happened. As soon as Vida had the video done, her first text to send it was for Anna. They embrace her as Hollis’s mom. It’s a beautiful thing, the way all of the women want to uplift, encourage, and support her. Anna wants no part of the bonding with the women, even if they are taking care of her son. I don’t understand her disconnect. Vida and Maritza, though, they don’t take it personally and keep on focusing on my son. I swear they have baby proofed the mini storage office so much it’s like entering a real daycare. All of it without allowing me to pay for anything. From the swing, playpen, crib, changing table, and toys, oh the toys. My son wants for nothing around those women.

“It’s me or that gang of yours, Dillon?” She puts the ultimatum out there while backing away from me.

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