Page 42 of Hard to Pretend

My shoulders slumped. I hurt my friends with my lie. It hadn’t been intentional, but I’d still hurt them. I just didn’t want to be set up on another blind date, and then I didn’t want to live with the embarrassment of admitting the truth. I wished I could give a good answer as to why they should trust me again, but I didn’t have one. I’d lied to them, and trust wasn’t something that could just be fixed with the snap of my fingers.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized again. “What can I do to make this right?”

I watched as my friends exchanged glances. No one seemed to have an answer. Tension hung in the air between us, and I wished someone could give an easy way to make it right.

It was Natalie who finally answered. “Time.”

“Time?”

“Yes. We just found out about this. Let us have time to figure out how to trust you again.”

It was a reasonable request. I nodded and watched as my friends filed out of my apartment. I couldn’t remember a time I’d felt more defeated and alone.

When I hadn’t heard from my friends by the next day, I knew I needed a second opinion. I needed someone to give me advice on how to fix what I’d broken. The obvious answer would’ve been to talk to Seb, but he was too entrenched in it. He had also known the truth the whole time. I needed someone else.

I needed my big brother.

I showed up at Joshua’s door just after noon with sandwiches from a little deli by his house. He let me in without any questions and poured me a lemonade.

“I think I ruined everything,” I started once we were sitting on his couch. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow as he took a bite, urging me to elaborate. “Seb and I weren’t dating when I told everyone we were. We were faking.”

Joshua choked on his sandwich. He took a large swig of his lemonade to clear his throat. “Wow. I didn’t see that one coming,” he said with a laugh. “And let me guess. You ruined it by predictably getting feelings for your fake boyfriend, telling him, and then acting like a dick when he didn’t feel the same way?”

I glowered at my brother. “No, actually, I caught feelings for him, and he did feel the same way. It’s real now.”

“Impressive,” he said with a nod. “I thought that only happened in bad movies and cheesy romance novels.”

“Nope.”

“Then how did you ruin everything?”

I took a small sip of my lemonade and looked at my brother. I felt like such an idiot. My friends probably would’ve reacted the same way he did if they’d heard the truth from me. Instead, they’d had to find out from one of Seb’s friends. Or maybe they would’ve been just as pissed if I’d come clean to them after the fact. The lie seemed to be the problem, not the timing or how they learned the truth.

Joshua was still looking at me, studying me with dark eyes that were too similar to my own.

“I didn’t tell my friends the truth,” I answered. “They found out from one of Seb’s friends, and now they’re pissed at me.”

“How bad is it?”

I let out a heavy sigh and put down my sandwich. It tasted like cardboard anyway, even though I’d always loved that deli. “I think they’re going to hate me for a long time.”

Joshua raised a skeptical eyebrow. “I think you’re being a little dramatic, Christopher.”

“You didn’t hear them last night.”

“What exactly did they say?”

“It wasn’t what they said,” I explained. “It was how they looked when they said it. Natalie looked like she was going to cry.”

“Oh, damn,” Joshua muttered. “I bet Luce looked like she was going to rip your throat out with her teeth?”

I nodded. “And then they asked why I did it and asked for time. They didn’t even know how I could fix this.”

“And it has been what? Twelve hours?”

I looked at my watch. “Like fifteen.”

“That’s not giving them time. You have to give themactualtime. Meaning more than a day. Let them come to terms with everything, and then let them figure out what they need from you to fix it. Listen to them when they talk. You guys have been friends for a long time.” Not as long as some friendships, and while I’d thought our friendship was strong, I was doubting that now. “Stop it.”

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