Page 38 of Hard to Pretend

We spent the rest of the day together, but we didn’t talk about what Jasper told me. I decided I would wait for him to bring it up. I would wait until he madethe decision that he wanted to know what Jasper said, as hard as it was. Because damn, it was hard having information I knew could make his life easier and not printing it off, folding it into a small square, and stuffing it in the pocket of his jeans.

I didn’t think that he’d appreciate that.

My patience paid off several hours later. We were sitting on my couch, watching another episode of the show we’d been binging. A box of pizza sat open and mostly eaten on the coffee table between two bottles of beer. He was snuggled up against my side, and I felt so comfortable and relaxed. There was something about cold beer, good pizza, and the company of someone I cared about that nothing else could compare to.

“What did he say?” I looked down at Seb for a moment, trying to figure out what he was talking about. I must have paused too long, because he clarified. “Your friend. From Enterprise. What did he say?”

“I can let you read the email,” I offered. I would probably get details wrong if I tried to give him a summary of everything. I didn’t think that would help him. I didn’t think it would help us. I wanted to be someone that he could trust, someone he felt was there for him. Giving him the wrong information would fuck that whole plan up.

The moment he agreed, I pulled the email up on my phone and passed it to him. He read over it, hummingat a few points, before forwarding it to himself. I would take that as a good sign. At least he wasn’t mad at me about it anymore.

He was allowing me to help him.

He was taking the help that was offered.

And later, when I needed the help, I’d make sure that I did exactly what I wanted him to do: take his help. Ask him for his help.

Even if it did feel like it went against my natural instincts.

15

EvenafteracceptingChris’shelp, it took a few days to reach out to his friend. I had to do some more research, check that the company would be a good fit. Everything Jasper said matched with what I’d learned about the company. It could be a good fit. I spent a few more days emailing back and forth with Jasper before I finally agreed to send in my resume. He promised that the right people would get it.

The promise made me uneasy. I didn’t want to doubt my place at the company. I didn’t want to feel like the only reason I got anywhere was because someone had spoken on my behalf. It was the same thing I’d talked to Chris about. My friends all thought I was being a ridiculous, worrying about a problem that didn’t exist.

Then I had to wait.

Waiting might have been the worst part. I found myself obsessively checking my email, even during mytime with Chris and my Thursday night outing with my friends. It got so bad that Eli stole my phone from me at one point and refused to give it back until he dropped me off at my apartment. That was the wake up call that I was obsessing. Eli was the biggest workaholic I knew, and if he thought I was taking things to an extreme, then I probably was.

The only solution was a distraction. I spent most of Friday plotting with my friends, trying to make plans. Unfortunately, with it being late notice, my options were limited. Chris already had plans with his friends. Eli had something to do for work, and he claimed he couldn’t get out of it. Jonas and Silas had a date planned, and I wasn’t going to try to get Jonas to cancel on his boyfriend just because I was freaking out about a job I didn’t even know I wanted a week ago.

Holden and Matt were free, and we spent a long time planning our day of distractions.

Our first stop had been the zoo, because Holden said that there was nothing more distracting than visiting the zoo. I think he just wanted to have an excuse to make faces at the monkeys, something he’d done on every trip to the zoo since I’d met him in middle school. I didn’t understand it, but he always got a ridiculous smile after the fact. We ate lunch at a small cafe just outside of the zoo. Then we headed downtown to look at the antique shops.

Matt had spent the night before planning a scavenger hunt of things to try to find at the antiquestores. It reminded me of high school, when he’d put together these for other stores. I remembered scavenger hunts at the thrift store, the mall, and even the college bookstores on the campuses we toured. By the time we were halfway down the list, I was laughing instead of worrying about my resume.

We found everything on the list. I fell in love with one of the little statues we’d found, so I bought it. Holden found a weird piece of framed art that he insisted was gorgeous, even if I didn’t understand it. Matt found some old comic books at what he claimed was a bargain, despite the fact that they weren’t in the best condition. Matt and Holden almost always found something. It was always a bit more hit-or-miss if I did, though I’d lucked out during my last two visits.

“What’s next on the list?” I asked as we started away from the store.

“Snacks? Maybe catch a movie?” Holden suggested. “It’s still matinee price.”

“Is there anything good playing?” Matt questioned, pulling out his phone.

“No idea,” Holden admitted, “but we can just go and buy tickets for whatever the next showing is. Worst case, we hate the movie and make fun of it.”

“No, worst case is we end up watching a musical,” I countered. Matt looked offended and smacked my arm. “Ow!” I whined, rubbing the point of impact. “Why?”

“Because musicals are amazing and fun, and you’re being a hater.”

“I’m not being a hater. Musicals just…” I frowned. Okay, maybe I was being a hater. I just never got into musicals. “Okay, if it’s a musical, I’ll suck it up and keep my negativity to myself.”

Matt looked pacified and linked his arm into mine. Holden grabbed my other arm, and we started toward the small theater.

Luckily, the next movie wasn’t a musical. It was a buddy comedy that I’d seen promos for and wanted to see. Unfortunately, it turned out to be one of those movies where all the funniest parts were shown in the trailer.

“Oh my god, that was terrible,” Holden groaned as we walked out of the movie theater. “The plot was too out there.”

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