Page 28 of Hard to Pretend

That was my out. I could have set the record straight. I could have told them the truth, that Seb and I weren’t actually dating. That last night had been our first real date. I could have freed Seb and I both from this lie. Instead, I smiled cryptically and thanked God that our server came back with the bill. It was the coward’s way out, but I would rather be a coward than have my friends lose their trust in me.

I would also rather be a coward than have my idioticdecision exposed.

“We’re still new,” Seb answered when I didn’t.

He had to have been an actor in a past life. He was too good at playing along without any hesitation. I was intrigued.

“And we’re still kind of on a date,” I added as I pulled my card out of my wallet. I handed it back to our server. He took the black check holder from me.

Luce looked between me and Seb again. For a moment, I thought I saw a glimmer of suspicion behind her gray eyes. I didn’t like it. I wanted to get out of there before the ball of guilt forming in my stomach grew any heavier. The longer we sat there pretending, the bigger it got. She looked at me a moment longer, and I tried to keep from physically squirming. If I did that, the whole facade would be ruined.

It would all be for nothing, and my friends would be pissed.

Because I was lying. Because I’d roped someone into my lies.

“Okay, let’s leave the lovebirds to their day,” River said after a few moments of awkward silence. I shot them a grateful smile. “I’m starving.”

I watched as my friends walked off. Our server returned with the check, and I signed it.

I don’t think I breathed again until we were outside. I let out a loud breath, and Seb caught my hand. “You okay?”

“I kind of feel like shit,” I admitted. “I don’t like lying to my friends.”

I felt him squeeze my hand. I expected him to ask why I did then. Why I didn’t correct the assumption that things were getting serious between us. I thought he was going to ask why I let them keep thinking things that weren’t true, especially now that I didn’t need to pretend anymore. I was pretty sure that we’d proven that the kiss wasn’t a glitch.

“I get that,” he said instead, “but I get why you did it.”

I wished that I understood why I did it. I wished I understood why I didn’t come clean.

Could we build something real on the foundation of a lie? Did he even want to build something real?

I knew I should ask him, but it was just another example of me being too cowardly to do what needed to be done. Instead, I gave him a gentle kiss. The way he kissed me back felt like an answer to the question I didn’t ask, and I decided to take that.

“I don’t think I’m ready for our date to be over,” he said after he pulled away.

I didn’t want our date to be over either. I wanted to spend the rest of the day with him. Hell, I wanted to spend a lot longer than that with him. I wanted to drown myself in his company.

We found things to do around town. We walked around one of the small antique stores that tended to attract tourists more than actual residents. It wasslow most of the year, which meant that it was quiet. I laughed at the things that Seb pointed out, and I had to try to talk him out of buying the worst lamp I’d ever seen in my life. It was a garish bright gold with a royal blue velvet shade. There were tassels hanging from the shade. It was tacky.

“You’re right. It probably wouldn’t go with most of the stuff in my living room anyway.”

“Plus it’s ugly,” I told him bluntly.

His jaw dropped in mock horror. “So rude! Now I want to buy it just to spite you.”

I took the lamp from him. It was heavier than it looked. “If you ever needed to commit a murder, then this lamp might actually be a good purchase,” I teased him.

I put it back down on the table where we’d found it and we kept roaming. He didn’t find any other ugly lamps, but he did end up buying a framed picture of some old couple on the beach. It was an old photograph, and you could feel the love radiating off the couple in the heavy silver frame. I didn’t personally understand the appeal, but it was his money. When I asked him about it, he just said that the picture made him happy.

He carried the plastic bag like it held a priceless artifact all day.

After the antique store, we visited a comic book store. He found an issue he said Matt had been looking for and paid for it. Wegrabbed lunch—burgers and fries, not seafood thankfully—and took a walk along the beach. We spent a few more hours together and finally said our good-byes.

When I dropped him back off at his apartment, I felt the strangest rush of loneliness as he walked away.

11

Mycheekshurt.Iwas smiling so hard that my cheeks actually hurt. I’d spent more than twenty-four hours with Chris, and I hadn’t gotten sick of him once. There were only five people I could do that with: my mom and the boys. Even in my past relationships, twenty-four uninterrupted hours usually had me wanting to hide in the bathroom with my phone for at least an hour.

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