Page 69 of Pretty Lies & Ugly Truths

“Any update?” Jayce’s voice cuts through the beeping of the bedside monitor. He’s standing in the doorway of the hospital room that has been my home for the past three days.

“No.” I shake my head, looking to where Maggie lays motionless, her tiny frame engulfed in the oversized hospital bed.

She’d lost a lot of blood by the time we arrived at the hospital. Luckily, it was a clean shot, the bullet going straight through, missing all the major vital organs. She was in surgery for several hours, and they were some of the longest moments of my life.

I felt so helpless, waiting to see if she would live or die. It was as if waiting to see if my own heart would keep beating. I barely survived my sister’s death. I know I wouldn’t have survived Maggie’s.

Fortunately, the surgery went well. She is nowbreathing on her own and has come off most of the machines, but she still won’t wake up.

The doctors keep reassuring me that with an injury such as hers, it’s normal, but nothing about this feels normal. Her face is too pale. Her body is too still. It’s like all that fire and light that normally shines through her has been extinguished.

I’m haunted by memories of her green eyes, so full of love as she told me she was sorry. That she loved me. As if any of this was her fault. If anyone is to blame, it’s me. I should have been able to protect her. I should have been able to stop it. It was my responsibility to keep her safe, and I failed.

What kind of man can’t even keep the woman he loves from harm’s way? Because I do—love her.

I’ve said all along that I’m not good for her, and this just further proves it. She will be better off once I’m out of her life.

“You better stop that shit right now,” Jayce’s gruff voice cuts through the silence.

I look up, taken aback by his furious expression but honestly too numb to care.

“I know what you’re thinking, and you better knock it the fuck off. You are no more at fault for this than you were for Celia’s death.”

As always, my brother sees too much, but as always, he’s wrong.

Too exhausted to fight with him, I say, “It may not have been my fault—but once again, I was unable to keepsomeone I loved safe. I couldn’t protect her. She deserves better.”

He narrows his eyes, and it feels as if he is looking straight through to my soul.

“You’re gonna run,” he says, disgust and disappointment evident by his scathing tone.

Taking my silence as confirmation, he reaches up, pinching the bridge of his nose before he rears back and punches me straight in the jaw.

“What the fuck, Jayce!” I exclaim, my hand coming up to cup my face as I stare at him in shock. Though we may argue from time to time, my brother has never hit me before, not in anger. And right now, he is so angry, he looks like he wants to do it again.

“Look—you’re my brother, and you know I love you, but God, you can be so fucking stupid sometimes. That girl right there loves you. She stabbed her own father, for Christ sake, risked her very life to keep you from being hurt, or worse. She saw something in you worth saving, and that’s how you plan to repay her. By what—leaving?”

“I don’t know!” I yell, raking my hands through my hair, pulling at the roots to the point of pain.

I don’t understand what she sees in me, what they all see in me. I’m a fucking monster; even my own mother can see it, so why can’t they?

“I just… I don’t want to see her hurt again,” I murmur. “Trust me it’s better this way.”

“Don’t give me your self-righteous bullshit. If you don’t want to see her hurt again, then don’t be the one to hurt her.”

His hand comes down on my shoulder. “I would kill for what you’ve found, you know? Don’t take it for granted.”

And with those parting words, he walks away, leaving me alone again with nothing but my thoughts.

My brother has always seen something in me I haven’t, and I’m not sure if I ever will. My soul’s too black, too tainted, from all the wrongs I’ve done.

I may never understand why someone as good and as pure as Maggie would choose me of all people, but he’s right, it’s clear she did. She didn’t even hesitate. She knowingly put herself at risk to save my life,and that’sexactlywhy I should leave.

But when I think about her waking up alone and hurting, I know I could never do that to her. I cannot leave her to deal with this on her own.

There is no world, no future for me without her in it. She may deserve better, but for as long as she wants me, I will be hers. If only she would just wake up.

I take my place back at the chair closest to the bed, resting my head on the mattress. I have not left the hospital since Maggie was brought in, wanting to be here when she finally woke. Sleep has been almost nonexistent for me lately. I just need to shut my eyes for a moment.

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