Lifting my pen, I turn and see my ex, or soon to be, I suppose. I don’t even know. It’s still a bit complicated.
As always, she looks great. While Blair and I appear as opposites in many ways, Jenny and I share several similarities. While Blair is much shorter than I am, Jenny is only a few inches shorter with matching brown hair and brown eyes. Her best and most unique feature by far is her long, curly hair, which is currently pulled halfway up.
She’s stunning, which was easily what attracted me to her all those years ago, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my years married to Jenny, there needs to be way more than physical attraction to make a relationship work.
I swallow. “Jenny. Hey,” I say, glancing over at Blair, whose round blue eyes are as wide as saucers. I want to tell her she has nothing to worry about, since I never told Jenny about Blair’s wedding day confession, but her nerves are likely warranted.
Despite my past frustration and countless efforts to foster a friendship between the two women, there remains an undeniable awkwardness between them, even after all these years.
“Jenny, wow. You look…” Blair starts, lifting a hand in the air as she struggles for words and I do my best not to wince. This little reunion is every bit as awkward as I could’ve imagined. “Great,” she finally manages.
Jenny’s lips twist, her eyes scrutinizing Blair as she looks her over. “You look great too,” she offers, and given the icy tone, I have to wonder if Blair was right all those years ago when she constantly complained to me about my girlfriend being incredibly patronizing and passive-aggressive.
As a teenage boy, I suppose it was easy for me to bury my head in the sand, especially when I had such strong feelings for bothof them. Plus, it wasn’t just Blair who voiced her complaints; Jenny had been plenty vocal about her dislike for Blair as well.
With time, and as I grew up and let myself see things as they truly were, I became increasingly aware of Jenny’s negative attributes. Despite my efforts to push away my worries and fears, the constant arguments during the last year of our marriage made it increasingly difficult to recognize the qualities of Jenny that I’d once fallen for.
“We were just planning Ronnie’s bachelorette party,” I explain, nodding toward the paper in front of me. I know I shouldn’t care, and have no reason to feel guilty, but considering many of those arguments had involved Blair, even though I hadn’t spoken to her since our wedding, I oddly feel like a child caught with my hand in the cookie jar.
“I see,” she says, still using that same condescending tone that absolutely drives me nuts. “Well, Idefinitelydon’t want to interrupt thisimportantconversation, so I guess I’ll leave you two to it.”
“It was good to see you, Jenny,” Blair says, her smile forced, and her body tense.
“Sure,” she says with a less than amused scoff, before turning toward the counter.
Blair lets out a loud breath. “Well, that went…well?”
“Yeah, sorry about that,” I apologize.
“It’s not your fault,” she brushes me off with a wave before reaching for her drink and taking a long sip.
“I don’t know about that. She is my ex, after all. I feel like that provides me with some sort of responsibility here.”
“Well, in your defense, you did try your hardest to make us friends and get us to like each other, and I’m sure if I’d really wanted to, I could have tried a little harder…and I mean,” she continues, leaning in close to whisper the rest, “I did try to stealher groom on her wedding day. I’m pretty sure she has every reason in the world to dislike me.”
“If it makes you feel any better. I never told her.”
She blinks. “Oh.”
“I didn’t think I should. I knew you already had a hard time with her, and while I didn’t see us having too many more get-togethers after all of that, I just didn’t want to somehow make things even worse,” I ramble, doing my best to explain. But how can I? It’s obvious that I never handled any of this correctly.
Maybe I should’ve been more open and upfront with Jenny, but that didn’t seem like a healthy situation for anyone. I also knew I needed to forget it for my own sanity. There was no way I could have a healthy and happy relationship with my new wife when all I could think about was the girl I’d grown up in love with.
“No, I’m glad. I was so embarrassed. I still can’t believe I let myself do something so irresponsible and unfair. I never should’ve put you in that kind of position,” she says, reaching out to place her hand on top of mine.
I look down as the warmth immediately spreads, but she seems to think better of it and quickly removes her hand.
“Blair, I…” I begin, but she shakes her head as she pushes out of her seat, the scraping metal of her chair drawing the attention of everyone else in the shop, including Jenny.
“I forgot. I’m supposed to be meeting Ronnie soon. I need to go, but I’ll uh, text you later with the final details?” she rambles, as I stupidly nod in agreement. “Thanks again for the coffee and the muffin.”
I attempt a smile. “Anytime,” I call, but her body language speaks volumes as she swiftly disposes of her trash in the nearest receptacle before the ringing of the bell marks her hasty departure.
I try not to take it personally. I know she’s telling the truth, especially since Ronnie mentioned meeting with Blair during lunch today in the teachers’ lounge. Nevertheless, it’s clear that I was venturing into uncomfortable territory, and she sought to put as much distance between herself and me as possible. I’m starting to sense a pattern with us. Yesterday it was me running away, and now, apparently, it’s her turn.
I want to believe this is a good thing, but as my eyes shift toward the counter, I catch Jenny giving me a knowing look that screams “I told you so.” Nothing like your ex seeing you get flustered by the woman that she not only hates, but has always been convinced was the reason for the downfall of your relationship, and the worst part is, I’m starting to think maybe she was right. Hell, Iknowshe was. How was I ever expected to have a strong marriage when I was so clearly married to the wrong woman?
While I’ve tried to lie to myself and think otherwise, it’s become glaringly obvious. It’s always been Blair, but after all this time and her eagerness to escape my presence, how can we ever possibly move past this?