Page 97 of Our Hearts Knew Better

“You don’t wanna be alone?”

“Not if you’re around.”

The brightness in her eyes frees another threat in me to be her company whenever she needs it.

Frees me up to ask forhercompany whenever I want it.

The Caves

Summer

One condition,Levi said. I had to put some food in my stomach.

Get the squash.

Eat.

Finish the meatloaf,said with his teasing point to my finger swipe in the ketchup.

His version gave me more of a boost to my appetite.

Along with the promise of sailing…with him.

Four big hurried bites and one ketchup stain on my strappy green top later, I have my face toward the sun at the bow rails of the Gilligan, the breeze blowing through my hair, as Levi sails us away.

Where to?he asked, a smile in his gaze.

And with my own smile dipped away, I said,the caves.

I’ve been close to them, but never inside them. And today, I’m going in.

I’m rocked by the water, still feeling held by Levi, his hug, that physical contact, refusing to leave my skin. His body fit back into place with mine so easily. It felt better than it did then to be that close to him. It felt right.

My throat squeezes with a sting in my eyes that I don’t want just good things. I want therightthings. I want this.

I want fresh air. I want easy breathing. I want smiles that crinkle my eyes and make me feel like I’m alive again.

I want the open sea. I want the steadying hands of the Gilligan.

I want a warmth that doesn’t burn.

Levi steers us right up at the caves, blessedly and treacherously empty of other people, and once we’re anchored, I take a moment to soak them in this close. They shine like crystals. Rocks as wide as they are tall, smooth in some spots, jagged in others, wrapping up the sparkliest blue-green water.

The one we’ve stopped at has a hole in its roof, creating a glow inside from a beam of sun.

Levi’s body heat closes in on my back, just as when he stepped up behind me after we climbed onto the boat, before we took off.

Breathe,he told me, the low command alone like a second boost, that time to my lungs.You can slow down.

And I did, and I do the same now, breathing in the salty breeze that clears my lungs, that relaxes my fried nervous system.

All of this—the physical contact, Levi’s proximity, his care, the bay—this familiar, and believed to be inaccessible again, feeling is so overwhelming, I have to grip the rails.

I said I wanted to be overwhelmed by him, and he delivered.

He’s still delivering.

My heart sinks and swims with Levi. I’m holding my breath, but I’m also finding it again. Never really knowing which way is up, but still making it to the surface.

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