Page 30 of Our Hearts Knew Better

Beaming, I picked the flowers, one for me and one for him.

His stare asked me now—are you sure?—before I nodded and he took the flower.

I shoved mine right up to my nose and inhaled, sighing next as my eyes fell closed and I tasted the nectar, being back with my mom for a few seconds.

Levi smiled as he tasted his, as I thanked him.

As the biggest change happened inside me, on this night, with this boy.

I wanted to see his eyes shine in the sun.

I wanted the daylight.

Desperation was the only way I could describe the feeling of never letting this go. The strongest desire sparking through my veins to never go back to how things were before I met him, before I climbed down that trellis the first time.

Levi was the one who had stirred feelings in me, and in that moment, I tumbled head over feet.

Tight Spaces

When the Fourth came, both Levi and Adam, and my desire and desperation, encouraged me to walk the thin line between brave and stupid by asking my dad if I could attend the fireworks show.

All for him to say, “I don’t think so,” after a slurp from his coffee cup.

My own mechanical movements as I bit into my breakfast didn’t miss their beats, either, but my mouth had a new tempo. “Why not?” The attitude in this question pulled his focus from the numbers on his laptop to the whine in my face.

I saw the thought in his eyes.You are different.

I cleared my throat after my swallow.

“I just got the new grill set up,” he said, his tone hinting that I was inconveniencing the work he did. “I’m making your favorite burgers,” he added, his tone now hinting that he didn’thaveto do this for me and I should be more appreciative.

“I love the burgers,” I told him, my mouth watering at the thought of them. The cheese was always melted perfectly, with just the right amount of smoky flavor. I would always get to eat his burgers, though, because he didn’t make them just once a year, but I wouldn’t always get to watch a once a year fireworks show with friends I’d actually made, out on a boat.

“Do you want me to eat alone?”

The Fourth wasn’t an important holiday for our family. Dad just moved the meat to the grill and we watched a random fireworks show on the television while we ate.

The bite of egg I’d just swallowed soured in my stomach as I pushed through my teeth, “No.”

Then after a big breath, I pushed more. “I can do both. We can eat together, watch some TV, then I can go to the dock. I wouldn’t be out late—”

“I don’t want you going anywhere alone.”

He added that last word but it might as well have been silent.

And I wasn’t going to attempt an ask to come with me because I’d be with Levi and Adam. So I couldn’t, and Dad wouldn’t.

My stomach clenched. “I could go with some friends.” It was a bite at never having been able to make them. A slip from the thought of the boys.

“Friends?” Dad’s fingers slowed to a stop on the keyboard as my mouth pulled his focus again. “You haven’t even started school.”

“I could make some,” I mumbled around a sip of milk.

“I don’t think so,” he repeated, and my throat burned to throw back everything I’d already done.

I’ve already made friends.

I’ve already explored this next random town you dropped us in.

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