Page 114 of Our Hearts Knew Better

“Why did you have to—” The strain catches my words, another swallow, as I try to keep my focus on missing “Blue Lullaby” because of him instead of the past several years of my life because of him. “Why can’t you just be like Adam is now? Justpush me awaywhen I try to get close.”

I don’t regret my years with Adam. I regret the years I didn’t get with Levi. Andthatloss will always be a tender wound, my one instant sting if touched. And tonight, I can’t let up.

Levi cuts the engine and my heart jolts at the quick motion. “Because I’m tired too.” I whip him a look as he tosses his keys, aclangon the dash. “Get out.”

“What?” I snap out, my eyes bouncing over every one of his movements as he shoves and kicks his door open, halfway out as he looks back at me with his own swirling storm.

“Get out of the truck, Summer.”

He’s commanding in a way that has me doing what he says with stunned thoughts and a haywire heart.

I only manage to put both feet on the ground before he practically knocks me off them, stealing my breath as he boxes me in between him and the door.

“I never wanted to push you away,” he admits now, his unwavering gaze a magnet for mine. “Go to Adam. Ask him what happened when we were seventeen.”

What happened. . .

My eyes narrow. “Askhim? You’re the one who hurt me then.”

“I know,” he says, low, my hurt, completely dug up and clear on my face, reflected in his. “But there are things youdon’tknow that I can’t tell you. You’re not the only one in a rough position.”

“I didn’t put you there,” I argue back, my grip on the door handle as his moves to the door itself, and I step in closer to him. “You wanted to be with me. Just say it,” I breathe out.

“Yes,” he breathes back, and my next one feels like bracing. “I still do.”

Those words knock the air out of me. I try to shove my way out of this corner, and he fights my going for the smallest moment before he lets me pass.

“You never fought for me. Not once,” I argue now, my voice dangerously calm, but I stumble in my spin on him, righting myself with rigid knees, feeling too many emotions, blindsided and affirmed, drowning in the sinking and swimming.

“Idid,” he presses, meeting me step for step on the grass and closing the space between us again. His mouth scrunches in defeat. “But I didn’t do it enough.”

“You’re back.”

Levi blinks, then lifts a look over my head.

I still, my breaths feeling like bracing again as my eyes hold to the rising and falling of Levi’s chest, his own deep, bracing breaths, before I turn to Adam, the rustling of grass under my shoes magnified to my ears.

But I didn’t hear any sound from Adam. He was quiet in his approach.

“What’s going on?” he asks now, with an edge to his tone that promises this is all about to get worse. Always worse, never better.

His eyes dance between us, but fix longer to Levi.

He knows and he heard. At least that last bit.

“Where’ve you guys been?” he asks next, to our stilled-mouthed stares, but I can’t speak, because if I do, the whole neighborhood will hear me break.

My world has just lost its balance, and I feel like I’ve blacked out, as everything I expected, deep inside, to happen is happening, but that I’m still unprepared for.

Levi finally opened his heart and told me I’m still there. Hestillwants to be with me. And Adam is pinning me—me—with a glossy-eyed accusation like Levi already has been with me. LikeIhave already been with him.

I’m the one doing wrong. It’s always me.

And when I look at Adam and see what he has become and what we have become, Iamseventeen again. Looking and sounding and feeling as unrecognizable as he has been to me.

Everything is underwater, my heart upended, my body shaking for another release of guarded and grappling emotions.

“Concert,” I hear Levi answer.

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