Page 91 of Close Protection

No, it’s not.

No, it really is not.

I don’t know what’s happening to me, but I start panicking.

Panicking over stupid blueberries.

I close the fridge and sit down on one of the dining table chairs as my lungs start to constrict.

In and out.

Just breathe in and out.

I don’t know when blueberries began to provide an odd sense of comfort after my nightmares. Maybe it’s because they’re what my mother used to give me when I was sad, and I associate them with her. I don’t know. But whatI do know is that I’ve never not had blueberries after a nightmare and it’s starting to stress me out.

‘Hey, hey, Daphne, it’s okay. I’ll go get some. I’ll go get some right now.’ Milosh is crouching in front of me, hands braced on my knees, stroking them gently. He looks at his watch. ‘I’ll go to the store now.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes, Daphne, it’s fine. I’ll go right now. I just need you to breathe for me.’

Now I know the blueberries are coming, my breathing starts to level. So I nod at him and he stands, turning off the stove, and walks into the living room swiftly, before coming back to the kitchen.

‘This is for you.’ He hands me a phone. ‘It only has the number to my burner in it, and that’s saved as M. I’ve put that number on speed dial too, so if you need to contact me, about anything at all, you can.’

He holds out his hand and I take it, following him into the living room. ‘You wanna watch a movie or something, to help take your mind off things?’

‘Yes, please.’

As he flicks through the DVDs we brought with us, his words from a few nights ago echo back to me.

I don’t know how I’m going to be able to provide for you. Yes, I know we’re young, but I want a future with you so I will doeverything in my power to be the man you need me to be.

He doesn’t need to try.

He’s already the man I need him to be.

When he lifts up two movie options, I point toThe Parent Trapand he pops it in. With another kiss on the head he turns the movie on and heads out.

I pull the throw blanket over myself and cosy into the sofa. The film is the perfect distraction. It’s funny and comforting and takes me out of my head; I couldn’t have picked a better option myself.

Around twenty minutes later the door unlocks and heavy footsteps sound in the hallway.

Jeez, why is Milosh so heavy footed all of a sudden?

‘I remember how much you used to love this film.’

I freeze.

That voice.

The voice that echoes in my memories.

The voice that echoes in my nightmares.

I turn my head to the door and my blood runs cold.

‘Mother?’

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