Page 47 of Check Me Out

Joe’s eyes are still closed and he doesn’t hear the door open, but he does hear a moan of distress and hurried footsteps, and then he’s being taken into strong arms. Han croons wordlessly and smooths Joe’s hair.

Joe grabs him back and sobs until there are no tears left to cry. Then Han leads him on shaky legs to the loveseat, where Joe collapses in a sniffling, snotty, miserable heap. “I’m sorry,” he says.

“Don’t apologize for grieving.”

“You’re so patient and understanding.”

“I try.” Han gives a tiny smile and holds up a little white plastic box. “I found your dental floss.”

It feels good to laugh a little, as if that breaks a few chunks of sorrow free from Joe’s lungs. He takes the floss and tosses it into his shopping basket, then leans back and turns his head to look at Han. “It’s dumb how the little details can seem so important that they end up taking over your life.”

“It’s easy to get lost in them.”

Lost.

“If I’m lost, how do I get found? What happens next, Han?” Joe hopes he doesn’t sound as desolate as he feels. No, not even desolate. He isempty, a mere thing that doesn’t matter and never had, not even to himself.

For a few moments Han is silent, but it’s clear he’s thinking, so Joe doesn’t interrupt. Finally Han nods to himself and pats Joe’s knee. “Imagine a man is flying to, uh, Australia. It’s a long journey, right? And partway there, he has a layover.”

“There’s not really much except ocean between the US and Australia. Um, maybe Hawaii?” Joe has never been and isn’t sure.

Han rolls his eyes. “In my hypothetical, there’s a tiny island. And nobody’s allowed to stay on the island for long. They wouldn’t want to anyway—there’s nothing there but the airport. So the man lands there, where he has a little time to adjust to, uh, not being in the US anymore.”

He pauses, his eyes searching Joe’s as if to make sure Joe understands. Joe appreciates being given the chance to process; he never feels comfortable when someone hurries him.

“Are there nice people who work at this airport?” Joe asks. “To help guide lost travelers?”

“Yes, although they’re not really guides. I’m afraid these travelers need to find their own way. But we—uh, the employees are there to help them be as comfortable as possible during a difficult time.”

Joe grasps Han’s hand and kisses the back of it. “Thank you. It helps a lot. But now I guess I need to continue on to… Australia?” Then a terrible thought strikes him. “Oh no! Am I going somewhere really hot, with a history of being where bad people get sent, and where everything’s dangerous?”

It’s Han’s turn to kiss Joe’s hand. “Maybe my analogy wasn’t as well chosen as it could have been. Sorry. I can’t tell you what awaits you—I mean, I literallycan’tbecause I have no idea—but I’m positive it’s a good place.”

That’s a relief. Joe lets out a long sigh. “I hear Australia’s pretty nice, actually.”

“I’ve been assured of the same thing, by those I trust. But Joe, my hypothetical traveler has another option.”

Joe isn’t so sure he likes the sound of this. “What option?”

“He can get on a plane and, instead of continuing to Australia, he can go back where he started.”

Pain. Sirens. Screams.

Horrified, Joe jerks his hand away. “I don’t want—”

“Wait! There’s… um…. Look, Australia is over the International Date Line, right? And so’s this island. So if the man flies back to his starting point, he’s going to land before he left. Enough before then that he can make choices that won’t send him to Australia right away.”

Han waits, as if everything should now be clear. It isn’t.

“That’s not how time zones work,” says Joe.

“Just play along with me, okay?”

Han is adorable when he’s slightly exasperated. Joe takes a turn at hand-kissing and then concentrates on what he’s just been told. “So if a guy can go back in time to the point where he does stuff that sends him to Australia, why wouldn’t he? Why would anyone ever go to Australia?”

“Several reasons. Sometimes the pivotal thing can’t be changed, like maybe the traveler doesn’t make choices that send him on the trip to begin with. Maybe someone else does, or maybe…. You know. Things happen. Nobody can stay in the US forever, nor would they want to.”

This time, Joe suspects his headache is due more to confusion and being overwhelmed than to whatever sent him to this place. “What are the other reasons?”

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